I feel scared to leave my house to go for a walk
Because I'm worried I'll get mugged or *****
Any noise in my house sets off
The myriad of alarms in every cell of my body
Whether I think it's a person or a ghost
The fear fills my limbs with electricity
I feel anxious about going to the gym alone
Because I feel like everyone is staring at me
Sometimes I'm afraid to text my ex who's now a friend
Because I'm preoccupied with worrying
About what they're thinking of me
When I work as a delivery driver
I won't go into backyards at night
Anytime I am around other people
I am afraid that they will hurt me
So I keep my guard up high
Hypervigilant to any animosity
But when I think about facing real danger
I get extremely overwhelmed
If I feel this unhinged by basic life experiences
How would I ever survive a real crisis?
My fight or flight is set off so often
That it's basically become my new baseline
I know it's the PTSD that causes it
And I know that I can get better
But sometimes I just feel so hopeless
Because I want to go for simple walks
I want going to the gym to be an easy decision
I want to spend time with people
To connect with people
Without worrying that they'll hurt me
Or that they secretly hate me
I want to live my life wholeheartedly
Not constantly in fear of something unseen
I want to be able to feel and exist openly
And really have a chance to be myself
To live a life that makes me happy
And I can't do that if I'm constantly
Running from shadows and
Hiding from reality behind doors and screens
I want to break out and be free
But behind any and all of my emotions
Lies a thick layer of fear
And I just keep running

She's got issues believing I love her, cause she's a doubter. That really ******* ***** when I've gone eight days without her and have no way to prove it to her. Her confidence, I try to improve it and pursue her with the utmost competence. But out goes my humor and there goes my bottomless dominance with fewer words and more of my lustful providence. Incompetence is always on her mind and I'm always like, "Girl, you're doing fine." Anxiety has her worrying, but I know she's really trying. She knows I feel like dying every single time that she has to go away and her parents hold her back from this relationship, it's gay. And now I feel the need to attack people that talk **** about us and how they say we just want ***. They say that there's no love, I say, "*****, I'll cut your neck." Step back, mind your own, or you're going to get hurt. I'm busy on my throne and my girl has got my shirt. I'm a king, you're a peasant, ***** you can't find real love. I know it stings, but that doesn't mean you get to push and shove and punch anyone who's got a thing going. Like *****, you really think you're blowing away our opportunities, but nope. We're stuck in unity. I'll never leave this girl unless there's a betrayal. Shes the Oregon to my trail. The hammer to my nail. And when she's with me, I know I'll never fail. Cause the incentive is raised and my ship is assail. Across all seven seas in the shake of a tail. Whatever I do, with you, I'll prevail. I love you now and the loving wont stop. I picked you up from the bottom and stood you at the top. I'm so proud of you in every possible way. I hope you keep loving me baby, have a nice day.

have you ever been stuck in a room with a door?
a rock and a hard place they both knock you to the floor
you've given up you can't get out
can't do your homework or your chores
you can't breathe in you can't breathe out
you just can't take it anymore
---
then you get a feeling
you know what's coming next
you've gotta move you've gotta step
you've gotta stand you've gotta stretch
you crack your knuckles crack your neck
you shoot your shot you try your best
you take a pencil to the test
you get the A you get the plus
you give it more you take no less
now here's a lesson for the class
so you can pass and come in first and never last
you take what's yours you take it fast
you hold on tight don't give it back
you carry on you don't look back
now it's my time I gotta blast

sometimes I just get caught in the lines
in the rhymes in the rhythm
read aloud, "****, get 'em!"
impressed by my own self expressed
except when you really listen
when you really hear the words
they don't say much
but sound totally dope
like holy smokes man
your bars be smolderin
bold as sin, they better than
the weatherman
when all his lies begin

secretly I wish I could write better poetry
better raps tapped beat that catches perhaps
but here I am with random words you see
just tryna make a rhyme like
"insert generic line
that doesn't make sense
so vowel type connects"
like
throw away the meaning
the real reason for poetry being
and substitute jargon
bargain lines from the discount rack
filled with thrifted rhymes
again and again and again and again and again
and then
another written crime
cheaply bought counterfeit creativity
a dozen a dime
it's incoherent but it sure as hell rhymes
reused word count: two hundred sixty
recycled! green! clean! unoriginal poetry

sometimes I just get caught in the lines
in the rhymes in the rhythm
read aloud, "somethin' missin'"
called the content and significance
it's actually duplicitous
my poetry on feelings and existence
is really just equivalent
to keystrokes on a browser page
with no real value, no true substance
so never trust this
the words I spill upon this stage
coincidentally no coincidence
like this very post, for instance

sometimes I just get caught in the lines
in the rhymes in the rhythm
and forget the real mission
lose the real vision
composition
fake

A little copper penny
Lying alone on the sidewalk

Rained on, stepped on, walked right by

No one cares about a penny
What could it possibly buy?

What do you fear?
What makes you shed a tear?
What is your worst nightmare?
What makes you care?

I fear being stuck in a place,
seconds turn into hours into days.
Before I know it I am one with the place,
giving into the routine of my days.

The mirror looking back with judging eyes.
Crusing through life while time flies,
what happened to the kid's dreams,
remember, we burnt it in the routine flames.

I am falling through the sky,
losing grip on my fantasy,
slipped through my hands, the clarity,
woke up back in reality.

I care because I fear,
the failure, will tear
me apart, the liar
says I am a believer.

Body, you had no suitor
When honesty is lost
courage could not have been misplaced worse
  by anyone else  
than my failures.

We never belonged-
A wallflower
to the dance of life.

Happiness, you are too big of a concept
For this head.
I dreamt of you in dances,
Being dipped into the sunlight.
Reborn by possibility
and bathing in the glow
that could handle the portrayal of a shadow
so dark

Shadow, you will soon feed
And I shall be consumed,
just  as you wanted.
Light, I wish I would have asked,
For your blessing.

i anticipate darkness
my actions seem thoughtless

but really
it's a rally of good vs evil,
what feelings will conquer
and what ones will shrivel?

i crave adrenaline
never feeling enough is enough.
trapped in a cycle
too blissful to dismiss,
eventually invoke the abyss.

energy swarming my fingertips,
unsure of where to exchange the flow
fiending for the delicate aroma of rose hips.