sunlight streams
through my curtains
during the first few minutes
of ten.
i start my day anew.

i'm walking through
the thick streams
of faces i've never seen,
and then i meet your eyes.

a face i have yet to name,
yet my heart already calls you
its lost, now found, lover.

i found love in you that morning.

i start my days anew.

i start my life loving you.

Three days ago I found my sunlight peeking through a crack on the back of a rusted dumpster. My body, forced into it by people unwilling to give me a second chance.


It was blistering cold and the wind cut like snowflake diamonds zipping all around. I remember I was walking home thinking “maybe this is all I have left to give”


So two days ago I decided I'd let that dumpster bright ray of sunshine go. If my only good moments were covered in filth, I'd rather just let them go.


My thoughts raced on what was ahead of me. A millennia of starscreams opening across the galaxy as my silhouette becomes the shadow of a dwarf.


I know I'll miss the sunlight though...and even through cracks in rust I think my sunlight might someday become platinum.


Yesterday I met a face that felt like hot shadows. She sung catapults of fire in my mind. I saw her on the stage at a local cafe, strumming demons away from my side. Her fingers bleeding sunshine through her fingertips. Dipped in ridges and vibration.


I found a fool's worth of hope in the skyline and lost a lifetimes worth on wishing.

Sewn-up into not caring
Modelled dispassionate
Roused into fantasy;
This one time would be
different
Oh naive optimism

His sight grows absent from reality when
he sees her
Leaving me unconsidered
he trades grins with her
With no forewarning
he trails off to her
Consinging to oblivon my presence when
he's with her
Nothing assuredly matters when
he's conversing with her

I'll bid farewell
to those so called feelings
Friends can fracture your
Sole heart
If you keep confiding
You will bruise nonstop
So let me advice you this one time
Become cold as ice

I sat down to write about how you made me feel, Funny,   I thought something indescribeable  would be easy to explain

For the longest time I was In a dark place. With weights of lead bound around my heart. The inside of my skull became  walls that I was forced  to scream at  my flesh  was a barrier to letting the happyness out, my fingers   gripping cold steal triggers trembling pleading to let the grey  matter out
To decorate the walls in my own shade of misery.  
But I'm here
Breathing

It's strange,  for a boy who never leave his room. To sit Under his washing line and listen to the birds  sing. I lie on butter cups as I watch clouds dart between wire and cotton, how did I get here?
What God did I pray too?
Who did I pay?

When my world  was over. My pistol In my hand. You happened.
The cloud that had allways sat just out of sight came running. Galloping . To give me water.  To give me life,

A blue eyed blonde haired mirror of myself emerged,
Your smile Is warm. And kind. Like the evening sun I write this in,
Your touch was wholesome. And craved, you took the freyed edges of the tapastry that had become  my life and started to spin a new story. You took the lead weights  from my heart and melted them  into sinkers so we could catch stories with our fingers,  your skin felt like silk that I could never afford.
With each step  you danced on egg shells as you try  collect my broken pieces
And when a part of my was missing you filled it with a part of you. And now I find myself intertwined.
Here in this warm glow I notice something I've never had before.
The voices In my head have  stopped chiming.  The cries are far away.
Your gifts  have  not stopped coming.  I pray your here to stay
In less time then anyone has ever been in my life you have done so much more,   in less time then it took to knock me down you've built me into something more
I'll never forget the way I feel right now, here. Today.
Because each and every time I see you.
I know I'll stay this way

Candy cane body under lustrous fluorescent lights.
Energy saving bulb and its saving us tonight.
Her hearts brought out rusted like a trophy on display.
Begging you to be taken out far and far away.

Overtly smoking days till you forget who we are.
Our family is beginning to break the walls of the reservoir
And your face is looking back peering harshly into me.
The topology of your tears trace back thunderous raging seas.

Keep on my face hard while I keep unto every night.
Drink back painful memories with prickled sweet delight.
Leer into my soul like the devils bill is close to due.
***** eyes moor under a savory callous moon.

Laugh the pain and enjoy while your senses rot away
Bake every morning naked burning oven made chocolate cake.
Spite life with all its misery and drink away the fights.
Humbug sweetness finally breaks you down into a cry.

Kinder eyes that conceal misery unable to behold.
Feel the window pane as it strikes you deep dying inside and cold.
Outside the lawn is cut it resembles well your self esteem.
And who did cut this lawn but your tepid need to so clean.

The walls are painted white to reflect the light we have inside.
Paint them black, fall into silence you're a specter in the night.
Your falling into numbness within inches of your life.
And I watch.
And I watch

Hold me like your life has always depended on it.
Because now it always has.
Life is for the living but we won't die here like they said we have.
It looks bleak from here on out and your train is coming in.
Promise me there won't be any more happiness again.

And you look outwards.
Deep into my eyes.
You don't see it in my face but the moon is here tonight.
Its right behind you there like a incandescent fluorescent light.
The mountains scream upon us to rejoin them in the forest there and die.

I keep upon your face as the last hour chases by.
He's in a robbers outfit sown black and white striped.
The policeman is here as I wake up to that painful glorious and bright.
Sun in the sky he's here to tell us off for our sin.
Regret and feel at the pain and again into your binge.
Drink into your sorrow as you try and hide the pain.
Feel at the abuse that haunts you here and every day.
How dare we live in this world where people are trying to forget.
And awful memories cascade down my face, you're still a statuette.
I look into the sky and see the moon laugh down at me.
He's still up at this time, it's almost 10 o'three.

I break into a bottle and you break into a frown.
That painful face edging ever so close to breaking down.
There's no one here but us and the wind making noise at this hour.
So crank up the music before the mood turns a dainty sour.
But don't cry.

It’s not that easy

to just lose you

in the tides of cognizance

you’re nestled

deeper than that

like one tug at the surface

sends a jolt to the roots

& I don’t know how

to unearth that


maybe time without attention

negligence

will coax your impact

to dissipate

& let the caring soil



start over

Hey I know youll read this
Welcome to my life bub.

It's  a mess in here. My head  that is,
Broken glass and shrapnels of lead.
Ive hired  some cleaners before.  No ones ever come willingly
So it means alot that you want the job,
Because  this mess is killing me.