i stopped writing.
not because i don’t want to.
it’s because i couldn’t.
i couldn’t bear the fact that i would have to feel pain and sadness all over again to write something only a few people would understand.
i couldn’t find the exact words. the right sentence. the perfect way to say the emotion i want to show, ending up saying more than the thought itself.
i couldn’t face an empty screen with the line continuously blinking as if begging me to release the letters out of it — teasing it constantly knowing i would just stare at it and close my phone afterwards.
i couldn’t find the right moment to write. and when i thought it was, i just end up thinking about all my “i couldn’t”s never finishing anything i write.
it’s so easy to say, “just write. it’ll come to you soon enough” but little do those people know it’s as hard as it gets.
one day, i write something amazing. amazing to me at least. and the next day, you don’t write anything at all — scared to create a new one that’ll forget the existence of the previous one.
i stopped writing.
but i keep imagining.
writing on my head but never putting them into words. locking them up as safe as possible inside my head where only i could reach. only i could appreciate. only i could admire.
i keep them.
and if one day,
if i get the strength to stop saying “i couldn’t”
i know it’ll all make sense.
but for now,
i’ll have to stop writing.
hello everyone. it’s been a long time since i last posted. and honestly, it’s really because i don’t know what else to write about. it takes a lot of time and effort to write something and i don’t think i’m at that point to give as much. i’m sorry.
