When I was younger
I refused to sleep
with the windows open.

I denied myself
the relief of fresh summer night air,
preferring instead
the stuffy silence
of a closed window.

I refused to allow
the sounds of faraway trains and cars
to permeate my sonic solitude.

The absence of sound and
of movement cloaked my bedroom,
with the blankness of a blizzard
and the density of a rainforest canopy.

I felt safe
in the silence,
content even though,
only sometimes,
I lay awake in the silent warmth
for hours,
in various contortions or
prone on the carpeted floor,
in a desperate plea for
the planets of my mind and body
to align so that I could sleep.

These days,
my window remains open,
environment permitting,
so that the crickets and the sounds of passing cars
sing me to sleep,
a suburban symphony of mundane sounds.

Some nights, a wind
creeps in and I become wistful
as I drift away,
for days that have been,
might be,
and will never come.

I want you.
Right now.

Your lips on mine.
Your hand around my waist.

My lips on your neck.
My hands running through your hair.

Heavy breaths.
Deep  stares.

I want you.
Right now.

In my bed.
Right next to me.
Holding me tight.
Talking about anything.

Gentle kisses in between thoughts.
Our tired eyes holding contact.
Slowly falling asleep

You,
All I ever want is you.

Empty bed, lonely head, i wish i was dead. ****.

Nightmare woke me
With fears aching my throat
The sun was still hiding
When I saw you sleeping
In shades of dark gray
I want you
In every way there is
To want a person
To stay
And letting go
Is one thing
I never know how to do
To you

While I was sleeping,
He took my trust.
While I was dreaming
He was all about another to lust.

and lately i've been
excited to sleep
close me eyes
ready to dream,
for it is the only place
i can still be with you

There's a sharp pain in my side, driving me insane,
clicking my back all the time, ouch ouch ouch.
Message from him, a message from her,
they both love me you know, it's pretty awkward.
I have a box on my desk, it's brown and filled up,
nothing good to you maybe, but stuff I treasure a lot.
There's that drawing I did when sleep high,
"Sleep High" is what my friends like to call tired.
Might update another piece of writing today, not sure yet,
I can't believe I've been writing this since 2012.
The cat is so soft, I wanna just snuggle his fur,
I'm trying to think of a song to listen to, but I can't be bothered.