Even after so long
the red glass still ****** my fingers
and I still see the world of eros love
as a dark room
full of people
with glowing red hearts in their hands
Strong and healthy, they walk into people's arms
with happy smiles and kisses
not a single cautious move is shown
not a single tear is shed in fear
I'm sitting on my knees
on the cold, hard floor
in the center
begging and crying
for someone to pick me up
even though I know
that it had always been my own hands
that lifted me
and that it will always be that way
My heart lays on the ground
the glow is dimmer than the shadow people
that walk around me
ignoring me
ignorant or self absorbed
they step on the already shattered pieces
grinding the red into a glass powder
Some people reach out and pull away their hands
laughing cruelly
teeth glinting red from the hearts they have already devoured
but my own is too wretched and tampered with
for even them to want it.

I don't think I can fix this alone anymore.

Street lights and open oceans,
quite the same to me.

If you plan to find yourself
meet me where your eyes leer.

Between the shadows and light,
stands the might that is your mind.

You're stronger than you think.
You say you're drowning, but
Look! your head is afloat.

Live through the blinding engulfing monster-
do not forget the feeling of cool air in the back of your throat.

The shadows of our lives
Cast on the walls
Whispers of passage
Unending echoes
Of our pointless drives
And vain egos
Lining the pockets
Of demagogues
And pretending
That anything goes
When the shadows
Dance on the sand
Fragile trails
Of days without end
They linger and twist
They bicker and turn,
And when the mist
Covers them all
The shadows are
The beginning
And the end
The ultimate bond
That ties us all
Into nothingness.

(Dec. 2018)

i lie awake at night
staring into the darkness
desperate to feel
the shadows of your touch
on my body once more

to leave behind eternity
to feel love so deep
'till pain becomes the comfort of existence,
I too hear songs of the angels
as it echoes in my healed vessel.
breath of life beauty lies within
from edge to edge of all creation,
It's all shadows for the light is transient
A miracle to live, to be one with the universe.

Curiosity,
Have you reached me?
Possibilities,
Have reached infinity,
Unfolding
the creases of my eyes.
Like a beacon,
the darkness seeks me.
the light inside me roars,
straining to get through the cracks,
my soul has valiantly held it back.
After all these years,
It’s finally made its move to attack
And I let go as I’ve lost all control
It’s not like it’s bad
the pain is from all these rules I've had:
“Always show restraint.”
"Keep still, you have to wait."
I was told to wait and wait
until that day.
Now the light is
getting through the cracks,
I’ve tried to keep it back
But it’s control I lack.
The light says:
“Do not fear, your light is here!”
It desires to purify the shadows
brighten all that is near.
The anxious fact, if I hide the light
I may get out of this
        alive
only for a fair time.
Alike a flashlight,
with the illuminating glow,
the darkness flees me
as does anyone else who heeds me.
My FACE is cracked,
my ARMS are ripped,
my CHEST is stitched,
my LEGS are chipped.
All of the light
shines through these crevices.
Fighting off the shadows,
cleaning up my messes.
For all of this time
I’ve remained in the light,
yet, now that it's quiet
and the light’s the only warmth
my heart is torn,
as I wonder should I warn,
those people I have found.
Not knowing how it's dangerous to be around
When I’m here and above the ground.
I am NOT safe,
I am THE ‘destined’,
I am THE ‘way’,
I am THE one who will guide the darkness to that place.
For I am their beacon,
for I am their flashlight,
And even though I’ve kept it
I know the light isn’t mine.
I know this light consumes
I know I wasn’t mean to win,
and as I am engulfed
by the light that I hold
I figure out the truth.
I was just a pawn to save the
shadows from their own.
For I am a beacon
For I am their flashlight
And I will guide their way

Be aware of yourself in those around
Our temporary memory often repels
As shadows and reflection surround
Who should we help if not ourselves