i am a hypocrite
i have my fair share of selfish days
i only do it differently
self harming, i mean
i chug alcohol
like i should
be poise in sipping milk
inhale
like i'm not slowly being addicted
sideway shaving
is as close to actually cutting
i'll ever get
and i'm a fake
albeit i like to think i'm not
i like to think my smiles are real
and 70% of the time, they are
mostly..
but that 30% still exists
and that's proof alone
that i'm a hypocrite

even the mere idea
suggestion
of self harming bothers me
yes, it is selfish
ungrateful
ignorant
but also very sad
i cannot come to terms with the fact that people hurt other people
so much they resort to hurting themselves
as long as God exists, you are not alone
how could you hurt Him like that?

you're allowed to be a little selfish,
she tells herself
you're allowed to feel,
she repeats
as she pushes the blade,
manages to gulp down a sob
as she stares
stares stares stares
at the opened skin
and the dripping blood
you don't deserve this,
is what she doesn't say
or admit
even to herself

It’s me and no one else.

It’s my business and only mine to know.

It’s my life and not yours to judge.

I’m being selfish right about now,

I’m 20 years old, turning 21 in 3 months

I’m thinking about myself and myself only.

Love makes us selfish
Love makes us brave
Love makes us reckless
Wild and misbehaved

Love makes us kind
Love makes us good
Love makes us see
The world as it should

Love makes us thoughtless
Love makes us blind
To anything else
But the one on our minds

Love makes us careful
Love makes us scared
About things which we wouldn't
Have previously cared

Love makes us malleable
Love makes us weak
Love makes us sacrifice
Whatever it seeks

Love makes us dangerous
Love makes us strong
Love makes us realize
What is right and wrong

Love makes us answer
The knock on the door
Love makes our lives
Worth living for

I hate myself
I really do
Everything about myself
It's awful

The way I can't ever explain how I feel
Just right

Or how I am so freaking
Ugly

The way no one likes me
Because I don't fit in

How I never sleep
And cry each night

I hate myself
Totally and completely

Someone told me that this is selfish
Well I'm sorry
I'll just quit trying to hate myself
Because this pain is clearly intentional

**I hate myself

I'm sorry you fell for such a selfish girl
I wish I knew how to show you that I care
Because I care I do
I think I love you
I wish I weren't so selfish
So I could show it
Because my heart beats for you
I want to be that girl for you the one you need
The one that knows how to show she cares
I wish I could be that girl for you
Because your that guy for me
You give me everything and more
Even when I dont deserve it

I dont know if i can do this
Which is selfish
I mean
I have everything most people could want
A house
Friends
Family
Food
A bed

But even with all this
I just feel numb
Like my chest is caving in
And I cant breathe
All the time
I feel myself slipping away
All the time

But noone seems to notice unless I tell them
Yes I want attention
But only because I feel so trapped

I want help
Not ******* sympathy.