Whiskers is a word that changes 
after love making with a man
Hands that hold, not touch
Scratchy lips, hands on my hips.
Whiskers, like the warmest blanket,
the safest harness, keep me honest.

If I have this with a woman,
she would make me godless.
Venom gets me off a tingle, 
like fanning singles at a stage
It proxies my craving,
drains my savings.

Whiskers can't be heard the same.
I meet a man.
He hungers for my frame.
Drinks me like a bottle
from the top shelf.
He had me on the rocks.

I'm not used to bodies
that aren't soft.
Show me hands that
touch, rough with callouses
I'm learning. I'm still teething
I'm seeing. Fire flickers in my belly.

Men feel different.
I like it. He's safe.
I'm empty. I stop bleeding
for blank canvases.
He holds me on his shoulders like Atlas.
I needed a foundation.

Instead of chasing strangers
I'm being taken by a man
who knows the finer flavors.
This is the way
I'm meant to be.
I can taste it.

“You are not an artist.
You are not an artist.”

        What photos must I shoot
        How many cigarettes must I smoke

It is scary, but - I want to embody the things which destroy minds

Summer vibes feel like radiation

Use this alcohol to eradicate
The proposition - that I will be ‘okay’

My phone is on airplane mode

My ambition is floating - as a feather might -
Down to the depths

I cannot finish my own sentences

Bury my expectation with my religion

        And it’s funny
        Because I have resolved my mind to avoid romantic
        confrontation
        But, alas - I do day-dream
        Of a girl’s face & hair - for it has appeared in my dreams four
        times
        And I awake to Deja-Vu as her face appears in conscious
        frames
So…

I can imagine & I can see, but - they have become one in the same
Could not fantasize asking
Your hand in mine

Oh how I wish to cry
To sob in any light so long as you are in sight
Someone to reassure me, that - yes
“There is an end to the night.”

But I cannot. I suppress it in drives. In music videos. In writing. In self-speaking when I have only me to keep company.

Kick me off the team.
I do not know what I need.
If I could lead, as I once did.

But I have left concern in the refrigerator
With empty bottles & cans
Maybe I will return tomorrow to salvage the cents of my malleable integrity  
Won’t you reliquinish me of it ?

For I have sipped the poison of honesty
Regretfully it tastes like honey
Lustful - Fleeting - Sugary - Intoxicating

thunder rumbles loud,
rainstorm looms, waits to hit hard;
beware! rough weather!

I will tie you up
and torture you,
in all the best ways.
It could last hours,
possibly even daze.
I will leave you dehydrated,
aching,
sticky,
and sore.
I will leave you physically unable to say you want more.
It will be too hard,
too soft,
j u s t right,
not enough,
tease tease choke bite spit gag pull              s q u e e z e.

Lie back, if you please.

We Just Need One More
To Be Inches From Immortality

with ocean eyes and words drizzled in honey i pulled you into the whirlpool that is my heart

for a while we spun beneath the stars
laughing in each other’s arms
for you had found a place you thought was safe
and i had found a boy who fell too quickly for the tides in my eyes

around and around we spun
our hearts beating to the same drum
you never let go of my hand
for you finally found a place to let your eyes rest
and a head to lovingly lie on your chest

but things got ever so rocky
when you got trapped in the vortex of my soul
you walked away with blood shot eyes
and tear stained cheeks
i walked away with my eyes a little more gray
from the tears that dripped down your face
a pen dipped in the inkwell of your heart
and a story to write about a boy who fell too hard

I don’t know why i’m reminiscing,
but you remind me of last summer
the sun is gently stroking your roof
while i think of my dark lover

The light blue crumbling facade
gives me the pain of longing
for a home that makes me wonder
if i’ll see another morning

It’s an eerie mystery
why i prefer a thunderstorm
the erratic and the uncanny
over a sacred place of warmth

I want your roof to be blown off,
i want to scream and cry
for i know love needs to be rough
like nature is sublime

my sun is a cutout of yellow paper, stars too small in their wrinkled sky. im existing in a universe crumpled and

left to dry– no wonder i’ve got crooked seams. cheap thread and cheaper whiskey will sew up sutures just as well, though, and

                          the scars last twice as long.