**** all artificial lights
no natural causes but
natural darkness
fake lights for true dark
blackest of blacks
like charred tree bark
leave but one imposter
glowing in the gloom
just pale enough
to write onto
and that's my door to you

i knocked on your door
and entered your room,
the first thing i noticed
was the way the sunlight
filtered in through your window
and the photographs you put on your wall
were these pictures of the people you loved?
the places you wanted to see?
i almost stumbled
trying to avoid the books
scattered on your floor
you said it was alright,
they didn't matter to you anyway
i looked around
and found that you tried to fill
every blank space of your walls
with maps, posters, notes, reminders—
did they give you company
whenever you felt lonely?
the stereo in the corner
was blasting tunes from the 90s
and i saw the way you hung
your favorite jacket on your chair
and the way your desk
had piles of papers and little snowglobes,
your reading light hung right above
where your head would be when you slept,
your wardrobe was a mess
spitting your favorite hand-me-down's,
i wanted to get to know you more

and that's when i knew
i was on holy ground,
treading upon a world
i suppose not everyone sees...
thank you for letting me in.

flying now erratic circles
I'm the moth who didn't flee
glutinous tongue of careless wind
caught me in a single lick
pulling inexorably into the opening
through the lid ajar I went
above the window sill
and straight into the eyes
of a room clad in light

it's turning warm to hot as I orbit closer
and closer still to the ceiling deity
I came in from the wide open void
I came in from the purposeless
the great free emptiness
where skies were grey and cold
I came in to embrace the bright frail sun transparently imbued
with the gift of gods

I pledge my wings to you
though charred into disfigured trails like brush strokes on some
impressionist painting

No longer are you transparent
no longer am I winged
and for a split-second in suspended animation
it was worth it ten times over

All the pain in this room
Pouring the pain in my heart
All the unconscious patients
and their over conscious attendants
Pouring the questions in my mind
Questions about God
Questions about His love
              and she has gone
gone into another room
room with more pain
pain which tears  heart
heart which consoles me
and heart lied
pain which compels mind
mind which ensures me
and believe broke
             and she has gone
gone into another room
room which opens into another world
world with no pain
             and me in this same room
room which I shared with her
her who's left me
me with all that pain

I'm too poor for the alcohol + it's too late. Getting drunk to fill the empty feeling seems like a pipe dream. You came and I felt lonelier with you here. I still feel lonelier with you gone. I'm filling my window sill with bottles, to see how much damage I cause alone.
1 - Copa De Oro
1 - Kamora
1 - Smirnoff
1 - Espolon
1 - Can of Pabst Blue Ribbon

I'm not selfish, but still heartbroken and wishing you were mine.
I have to rationalize this in the future too.

I have to remember that a mistake is not an accident; it is calculated and weighted. I can't let them convince me a choice is a slip of the tongue. Might steal my room mate's beer, might buy my own, and who the **** knows?

All this skin to save my heart, and I'm still made of glass.
Trying to get some type of high like everyone else.
Trying to waste health like everyone.
Wasting youth.

Her heart only has so much room
So many moved in and moved on through

Leaving stains that bruised.

She does her best to clean the rooms
But feels ashamed she had to move on too.

She's afraid to re-open the wounds
What if they can't handle what she's been through?

What can her poor heart do?

if this room bites,
then so do I;
remember how many times change has been spoken,
uttered though ****** teeth.
you make your own wounds,
you collect your own tears,
you tear apart your own red string.

If this room bites,
There’s no need to knock-
I’ll be here.