last year's hangover
Morning Star blind
without the ride
of imbibing libations

words bled dry
in powdered thought
desiccated emotion
won't rehydrate unsalted
and I just ain't in the mood

shoulda had that drink
winning every battle
lost in war I can't see
but scars burn deep
courting failure
with fear

why fight fate
in altered perceptions
that are all real enough
to feel
in a world where the
only thing concrete
is thought...

bled dry
in last year's hangover

Cry me a river
Of insure little tears
Sparkling like diamonds
Filled with your greatest fears
Let it glisten, Let it flow
Down your cheeks
To the land below
Salty to the tongue
Taste it upon your skin
Be still my little darling
He's watching with a grin
Thriving off your sadness
He pushes the knife further in
Prying on your weakness
To unveil deeper sins
Sins that have been locked away
Beneath the facade of a smile
Nothing bothers the angel dear
Even those who are vile
Emotions make you weak
Nobody wishes to see the evil
Disgusting feelings of envy
That you so dearly keep
Rage and jealousy
Hide them away
Calm and gentle
Let them stay
For nobody will love
A girl who displays
Her heart boldly upon her cheek
They will fire their arrows at the rate
Of the time it takes for your heart to break
Run and hide with all your might
Do all you can but fight
Foxes they play
Snakes they bite
In the den you are trapped
You know that I'm right
And while in the home of the serpents
You will come to know
That the faces you loved
Are the first to go
And its then you will see
That surrounded by people
Is the moment you realize
You are truly alone

For nobody is willing to enter the den of those that break
As all the friends you loved turned out to be that of those very same snakes

-

Spontaneity planned every afternoon
There was plenty of time to be responsible later
It felt like freedom, sunlight beaming down and a gentle breeze
It felt like freedom, running through the rain
It felt like freedom, the plans to run away with you

Comfort wraps me up every night
Time to reflect on the day
It feels comforting, open ears await my rambling thoughts
It feels comforting, the warmth of you holding me while I fall asleep
It feels comforting, to finally be where I am supposed to be

It feels free to love you
It feels comforting to love you and be loved by you

In Pantheon roars,
We shouted
And threw boulders
In the night
Where the sirens
Were our only witnesses

-----------------------

Give me back the mornings
Of quiet snow and soft music

The yawning sun, not quite
Awake

Give me the solitude, the
Fleeting moments of sanctuary
So I may find myself a saner
Sort of clarity

There is peace in snow

-----------------------

I once wrote on unrequited love: "This is going to take some time."

It's felt like lifetimes.

-----------------------

If it hurts to hear
Your heart beating,
What was it that
I wanted, then?

If I ran away again,
What would happen then?

What would happen, then?

im taking breaths but i still cant breathe
reading bottoms of bottles like tea leaves
and i can't see past my nose

so what if i'm a mess
who cares
face down in the sand

so what if im a mess
who cares
i can still feel your hands

im taking steps but not with ease
pulling at the strings of my own disease
and i cant even move my hands

running and scheming my brain
always leaving impossible feeling of dealing
and playing childish games of gaining grins
shootung guns of gifts giving garbled guidance

so what if im a mess
who cares
hair spun up in knots

so what if im a mess
who cares
i cant stop being lost

What is beyond death
When I don't believe in God
I know my body
Will be buried
Or burned away to nothing
And that's okay
But what happens to me
What happens to the person
Who loves with blue flames
Where does she go
When the sun sets
And all is quiet and calm
If there is a hell
I'm probably headed there
But I don't think
That there is
Perhaps I'll roam the universe
I can touch down on planets
And stars afar
Maybe I'll be reborn
If that's the case
Then end my term
Eternal life on earth
Seems like a chore
I don't want to live forever
I don't want to be here
When nations burn
I refuse to bear witness
To another century turn
And someday I will die
And I am so afraid
To let my conscience go
And fly into the void
Because deep down I know
What happens when we die
We are gone
Like smoke into the night
The thing that makes us human
Is furthest from physical
So when my body dies
My mind won't have
Anywhere to go
I don't want to be snuffed out
Like a burned down candle
And oh I know
That it won't be my choice
Maybe that's why
I've tried to end it all
I want to live
On my own terms
But the world
Has never been under my control
In a world where we die
So my only hope
Is that I can live my life
With the time I have left
But what's the point of living
When we all live to die

Falling down like a rain drop
twenty-twenty but I’m blind.
Knowing that this must stop,
maybe tomorrow I’ll change my mind.

But maybe the fog has made me hazy,
no one will choose to save me,
write me off as crazy,
their judgements come too hasty.
Red flags planted to trace me
to the spot where I’ve been wasting
no help to do it myself,
I guess I’ve gotten lazy.
I vow to not continue with the crime,
maybe tomorrow or another time.

Tumbling around like dry leaves,
amazed by the colours you find.
Trading dry mouth for dry heaves,
maybe tomorrow I’ll change my mind.

Take notice that life as a poetess
feels kind of hopeless,
and as a bonus I’m under hypnosis.
I’ve been focused on picking myosotis
for my magnum opus,
better than roses
but less than autumn crocus.
I’ll watch them bloom in their prime,
maybe tomorrow or another time.

Lying on the ground as the concrete,
don’t mind the chalk as I’m outlined.
I think it’s due I get back on my feet,
maybe tomorrow I’ll change my mind.

No one loves you, so why do you smile
when you know you're hated and despised?
If you're truly happy with who you are,
why do you always seem to have to lie?
This feels great!  We grin at your pain.
It's good to finally have a challenge.
You complain, but I know you like it too.
We haven't caused too much damage.

Why do you cry?  You stupid human being.
If you show your torment, what do you think they'll say?
They'll call you weak for what you are doing,
so we keep you from speaking every day.
You don't deserve help from others.
Go and try to be happy with your friends.
Soon, they will see your true colors.
Then that will be where this ends.

Haha!  Hehe!  We're sorry.  We can't help it.
Except we're not sorry at all.
You're weak and don't belong here.
The higher you climb, the farther you'll fall.
You're tired again--aren't you?--from being around them.
How will you survive on your own?
You like to be here but you're exhausted again.
It's better to just be alone.

You admit we're there, but you'd much rather ignore us.
It's difficult with all of us here.
You try to listen but sometimes, we're too many.
Your hope for rescue is turning to fear.
You can't decide.  What can you do?
Lying awake in your bed.
You can't silence us.  We're louder than whispers.
We're the rambling in your head.

You laugh awkwardly.  You know we are here.
You cannot hide for long.
You try to ignore us but we are still there.
We will never be gone.
It's about time you tell someone the truth,
but we trust that you won't just yet.
We are with you for a reason.
You don't know why I bet.

We'll be back soon.  We'll be quiet for now.
We know we can depend on you.
It won't be long, don't worry.
Rambling is what we do.

Rubber chicken bubble bath,
greasy chicken nugget,
Never learned a lick of math
How many in this bucket?

Counting on my hands and feet,
Spilling sweet and sour,
Wolfing down this deep fried meat
By dozens every hour.

Teriyaki, honey mustard, Barbecue, Atomic,
Churning in this raging pit of lava once a stomach.
Though many hours pass, a fire immolates my mouth,
Then I feel the terror of what waits for me down south.

My body is a war zone, a broken ruin burning,
Though I may never eat again, I’m bad at lesson learning.
For if I ever do, I will forget this day,
Once more my organs pay the price, the spice will have its way.