Will I forever love you

Will I stand by your side

Will I love you until I die

Will I fight for you until I'm 6ft under
               .....
Will I ever be over your

Will I leave your side

Will I stop loving you before I die

Will I stop fighting before I reach 6ft

When two worlds collide
They both get torn apart
I don't know who to follow
I don't know where to start

My hands up in the air
My knees fall to the earth
I scream into the night
Until my voice won't work

Do you hear me?
Tell me do you hear me now?
Are you listening?
Do you care if I break down?
Is anybody out there?
Is anybody here?
Can anybody see me?
Or my reflection in the mirror?

Still on my knees in the darkness
My voice echoes in the valley still
I wait
Prostrate for an answer
I wait

I lost myself when the words poured from the top of her head and swallowed me whole.
Drowning every inch, taking every breath.
The black steel barrel and the glossy white casing in which he placed himself has become a Kodak print in my brain.

How could you?

His body trembles from the volcanoes of emotion erupting inside of him.
How is he supposed to handle this?
Flashfloods overcome the grasslands of his face.
They glisten as they empty themselves.
They gaze to you as a last plea, and you have the nerve to tell me?

Stained and impaled for four years, with the knife you never regretted throwing.
Limping through the future with the wound that can’t quite heal.
The third number in my life, almost lost his.
How could you tell me?

The house is overflowing with hostility and you just keep pouring more in.
In public I ignore the constant internal struggles although there is war inside of me.
The four year long war presses on although my heart begs for its end.
Although I may act as a stone, I am not.
Although I may speak as if I am fine, I am not.
Although I may seem as if I do not remember, I have not forgotten.
Although I may seem like there is no wall, there is.
Although it may seem as if the respect might have been regained, it has not.

The burden you were soon relieved of was felt as soon as you happily passed it on.
Only being received by the 15 year old beingforced to hold the plate.
The 15 year old who you treat as a friend.
The 15 year old who was once your daughter.
The now 19 year old girl who still cannot forget.

How could you?

Hang me like the sun,
A never ending light
Illuminating the sky,
Yet never questions why.

Hang me like the stars,
Floating with no demise
Holding on until they realize
All the questions are just lies.

Floating like the summer skies,
Nearing them just to die
An unconventional lullaby,
Is the last thing floating through the skies,
Only one request remains , that's why
I want to be hung in the sky,
Hung like the sun,
A never ending light
Illuminating the sky,
Yet never questions why

hung like the sun in the sky,
Never questioning or wondering why,
These stars have no demise,
Then near the skies just to die,
Listening to you last lullaby,
The last start of the old beginning,
Just do not speak and wonder why.

Well what would I know about the boy who is more afraid of falling in love than staring at death straight in the eye long enough to have his mind read?
Well how would I know how it feels to spend 4 straight days of sleepless nights thinking about the ocean under my ribs waiting to burst because you threw me into the never ending possibilities and told me that it was possible that you could leave at the push of the button?
Well why would I drown my thoughts at 3 am and wash my hair with a little too much of a bottle of alcohol and a little too few blue pills to keep me hallucinating that you were and will always be there by my side?
Why would I keep walking through the same alleyways and tiny streets at the tick of silence when I could walk alongside the old drunkard who lost hope and told me to fix myself before he fixes me?
How do I keep seeing you in everyone I talk, see, smell, feel, but I have never seen it in you?
But how in the world would I know how all that feels when I'm only 14?

I'm over the over familiarity.
So I won't make the mistake of thinking I know you, if you don't make the mistake of thinking you know me.

Look at him, he walks so perfectly in the, morning moments,
I don't think he can see what he used to be like to me.
It seemed like, his innocent soul wanted me so much,
and I wanted him so badly back to also join me in hand.

Now I look at him, he's matured, I wonder if it was too much,
he's passed the days that I should be entering.
I probably, ruined most of his days,
which he could have been, flirting and chattering away with girls.
Prettier, smarter and potential I wish I had, but never ever had a chance.

Now I see, I am just a loner in disguise.
I honestly hate the feeling of the air, pushing into my lungs full of despair,
I just simply want to make my way alone again.
But what happened to that boy? The one who spent nights with me on the phone,
it's like he erased himself from life completely.
I just wonder to myself, was it because of me?
Did he feel like he needed to mature?

Because honestly, I don't feel maturity, at all,
it's like he isolated romance on another world.
I know he tries, I know he cares, he tells me a million times a day,
but why do I feel so sickened by how I feel deep inside?
The life of a loner in disguise.

How do you resist me
When you know I love you so?
How do you say no
So easily,
so constantly
How do you always go
And just leave me be?  

Are the lies from your mouth
from your heart as well?

The lies that you give me
when you cannot tell
the secrets you guard
the fears you hold
the reason why
your heart is cold.

Notice given, but not consoled;
The trembling of the soul.

Occurring at the helm,
Of the notion of the self.

I am dizzied in the frenzy,
A coursing without entry.