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Jessica Apr 2015
It's strange,
The things that fuel us, that make us strong.
The things that make us feel strong.
The things that make us feel better.
These things can be deceiving.
These things can change our lives.
It feels as if these things change us.
It feels as if they change who we are.
One person can make all the difference in your life.
One person can change the way you think.
They can change your perspective on life, on your future, on yourself.

How do we know if these people are supposed to remain in our lives?
How do we know if this change is good?

It sure feels good.
Jessica Apr 2015
I'm sorry.
I know our relationship has been failing.
Slowly sliding down the hill and neither one of us cares.
we really don't care.
I wish you would have known.
Known when to say when.
Known when you couldn't take anymore.
I thought you knew.

I am here for you now.
I'm the only one you need.
Embrace me.
Love me.
Feel my presence.
I care.
I care jess.
So do you.
I know it.
Note to self
Jessica Apr 2015
So very delicate.
Like the Angel placed at the top of the tree.
She watches over everyone, and makes sure they are okay.
She makes sure everyone is happy and safe.
There is no one to watch over her.
She is too fragile.
Jessica Mar 2015
Just tryin not to **** my life up.
I've worked to get this far.
Tried my best to see the best but you lead me to the dark.

You won't **** my life up.
You're the devil in disguise.
Someday I hope you see the light and find a brighter life.

I refuse to **** my life up.
Im off to better things.
Continue to **** yourself up.
I won't sit and take the sting.

You can no longer hurt me.
These emotions they are mine.
Im on to better things.
Without you I am alive.
Jessica Mar 2015
The most suspicious people are the guiltiest themselves.

The ones who hurt the most learn to trust again because they're been hurt.
They believe in love because that's how they were hurt.

The guilty ones are hopeless.
They do not deserve love.
They will ****** and scrape every last bit of happiness you have and take it for granted.
They will blame you for their actions.
They will hurt you because they secretly know the pain that they have caused.
They put that pain on you.
They are suspicious of you because they themselves are guilty.

Never trust the suspicious ones.

I hope you can learn to trust.
Because love is trust and the guilty don't love.

Don't love the guilty ones.
Just found out I was cheated on. Our whole relationship he was so suspicious of me cheating on him when I never once did. I never even thought about it. I always asked him if I should be suspicious of him because I know that a guilty concious leads to not trusting. And I believed when he told me no. I was right all along and he can go **** himself.
Jessica Mar 2015
Why is it seen as a bad thing when a woman believes that she is beautiful?
My entire life I knew I was pretty.
I never felt like I was beautiful.
When I express to you that I am confident in my looks you say you're done with cocky girls.
Why is this a bad thing?
Why is this not celebrated ?
It took me only a trauma event, an eating disorder and a few bad break ups to feel this way.
And I am happy.
And I am beautiful.

I am beautiful.
Jessica Mar 2015
I wish I could say you are a piece of me.
I wish I was a piece of you.
I don't know if I ever was.
Did I make it up?
Was I wrong?
The distorted thoughts consume me but contain the most vulnerable memories I have.

I was never a piece of you.

This is where I was wrong.
I let myself believe in a person that I knew didn't want me.
I knew you didn't want me.
It was clear.
The distortions that I believed became me.
They became my "love" for you.

I did not love you.

I can truly say you were a piece of me at one point in time.
When I barely knew you.
When I didn't know the true monster you are.
The manipulative soul that I let take mine.
The manipulative soul that I let manipulate me.
I let you consume me.
Every part of me.

When you were a part of me I couldn't get enough.
It was nothing like the nights I lay crying in your bed.
The nights I lay crying in my bed.
The days I lay crying in my bed.
The entire days that I cried.

Too many wasted tears.
I had hoped you wouldn't waste them.
I hoped they would fix you.
I hoped they would make you want to fix youself, for me.

I was wrong.

You haven't been a part of me since I relied on you.
It's hard for me even to remember when I could do that.
It's hard to recall the times you were actually there.
You actually did care.
But you were not invested.
You never let me become a part of you.

And I will not be consumed in these distortions any longer.
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