don't wait.. because it always ends up being too late.

Me and time are not good friends
Time won't bend the rules for me
Time gets mad when I don't pay attention to her
She tells me she can't control what she is

I get mad at time when she takes away my days
I hate her way I hate all her ways of doing things
The way she makes moments of pain feel like years
And the moments of joy feel like seconds

But despite all of that
Those aren't the real reasons
Why me and time are not good friends
The real reason is because

Time doesn't like my annoying friend
Procrastination
Procrastination never leaves me alone
And time gets jealous

Procrastination is with me
at this exact moment
Time got mad*

15 minutes ago it was 5:16 pm and now it's 6:50

I waste so much time
My brain left on idle
No parties or fine wine
This waste is suicidal

The death of productivity
The death of all ambition
My time spent in passivity
Hating my lack of volition

Hating this immovable fear
The terror of abject failure
Screams "wait another year!"
And that terror is my tailor

For it crafts my every endeavor
I am not lazy nor am I weak
But the future is the bearer
And the harbinger of defeat

It's 12:29.
I'm thinking about the moon.
It's one of those "Sufjan Stevens" nights.
His music always manages to perfectly translate my befuddling feelings and thoughts into rhythm and beat.
If I rest now I will miss out on what the night has to offer.

It's 1:07
I'm lying in bed.
I hear my mom on the phone with grandma.
They always manage to keep the conversation fresh and perpetual despite the 8,096 mile distance.
If I let my eyes close now morning and work will arrive faster.

It's 2:03
I give up on homework.
I open the laptop to watch Netflix.
I re-watch a show I've seen a dozen times.
If I escape to dreamland, this sense of knowing of what is to come will be stolen by the uncertainty of the subconscious.

It's 4:32
I'm filled with sadness.
I have procrastinated badly.
I abruptly jump out of bed and head downstairs to brew coffee.
If I go to sleep, I will regret it in the morning when I will face the consequences of my laziness and late night reasoning.

The struggle
To stay awake
Wind rattling
Whistles through a sleeping house and the
Closed door,
Your brain
Silhouetted on the wall.
Scribble furiously
The eyebrows of the shadow scrunched
Concentration.
Frustration.
Exhaustion.
"tion"
Nostalgi­a. You ponder words
Longingly.
The numbers
They flap madly about
Like confused geese
When it's warm
In January.
Reminisce
Back when it was simple
Life
Problems
Math exams
Normal, that golden
Score, gleaming.
The knowledge of perfection
Written neatly
At the top of the mountain.
Years into the future
Dreaming of reaching that summit
Once more.

Update my page
List this
Pin that
Tweet
Repost
Resend
Got no time to chat

White canvas
Endless pixels
A sight for sore eyes
Fruitlessly searching
Social media
For an elusive prize

Scandal
Gossip
Salacious juice
Lines between
Real and fantasy
Reach a truce

Inbox injunction
Endless mail
I want to call it a day
They’ve got some nerve;
‘Be more sociable,’ they say

In cyber space
There’s an infinite world of possibilities
Save for when
We’re face to face

Travelling along
The endless lines
Towards an unknown destination
Lost in ourselves,
We killed the art of conversation

Look at the posts
They’re neverending;
Babies, kittens
See what’s trending
Feeling smitten?
Oh look at all those words,
I haven’t written…

Don’t mind me
I’m just scrolling through.

when people cry I look away
being there is not my forte
I'm sorry I'm sorry
it's awkward to stay

at a crossroad I paused
to gawk and be awed
I'm sorry I'm sorry
I'll get out of your way

I refuse to study, I prefer poetry to work
parents and teachers are sure to be irked
I'm sorry I'm sorry
responsibilities are meant to be shirked

I sit at my desk and begin to cry
I'd like to think there's still time to buy
I'm sorry I'm sorry
it's hopeless to try

I'll take my leave, try and see what I can gain
take a gamble, throw a die, life is merely a game
I'm sorry I'm sorry
it's a pain to be tame

don't save me from falling
let's not draw the line
I'm sorry I'm sorry
now's not the time

The worst part was the numbness.
She was numbed down to the point she could not do anything.
She could not sleep. She could not cry. She could not read. She could not write.
It felt as if even the most basic, most fundamental action was strenuous for her.
All she could do was to lie down and stare at the ceiling, watching the clock slowly ticking away her time.
She wanted to **** herself. But how?
She wanted to give it all up. For who?
In her numb state, even sleep betrayed her. She could not move. All she could do was to lie down and let the numbness sink into the deepest layer of her skin.