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Liz Alvarez Caba Nov 2018
Today was the worse day of my life so far.
My future self slipping away from my fingertips....just gone.
I could see my house, my career, my husband and my children...all just crumble in my fingers.
Everything that should be destined, is now gone once again.
For the third time may I add.
You would think after so many heartbreaks you would get use to it.
No.
At this point, in my 26 years of life, you will never get use to it.
I wait for the day I get to stay in a hotel room just contemplating my life's choices.
And just finally ending it all.
Ya, I guess you can always say 'You're young, you have alot going for you, it's never too late for a happy ending', yet that may be true, in my mind, I'll always see a chubby emotional single hispanic women whose future will be hoarding shelter dogs alone in her home.
That image, just reflecting back at me in the mirror, seems to be the closes to a happy ending I'll ever get in this lifetime.
So, for the time being, I'll be sleeping and closing my eyes to this nightmare.
Because I would rather sleep all day and forget everything for a couple of hours than to be awake all day and remember everything.
My 4th and last. I dont want to feel this pain anymore.
Jasmine dryer Nov 2018
i wanna be numb
i'm falling back
so i pop some pills
and wallow in my own self pity
i know its bad
but i do it anyway
i think that the worst part is

i don't care
els Nov 2018
i saw it in your eyes
regret mixed with broken glass
but only for a split second
this year the rainy season started a little too late
the sun was trying to remind you of the light you have inside of you
i read our old texts and cry
s is for suicide
and b is for broken ****** bruises
r is for rehab
and t is for tragedy
t is for traumatized
t is for the last time i called you, you tried to **** yourself
i woke up today even though i didn’t want to
i have been awake at night wondering if i should tell you
you told me i was a dream you never wanted to wake up from
and then you tried to swallow an entire bottle of pills
i should've remembered that p is for pills
not for promise
h is for hospital
not for honest
i should've known.
The Moon has abandoned us
We are but blades of grass in a shielded blow
We are merely stones in a river's roll
One day we will be no longer.

We are desperate to cling to
some semblance of reason
but what good does the morrow bring worth breathing today for??
What good is so good that I should stay awake?
We are trying so hard to pretend that sharing our crazy is the least crazy thing
We cling so hard to this notion that we forget to look in the mirror while exchanging pictures of each other instead of reflecting on who we are,
But then, what's the point of reflecting on who we are when all we're capable of is our own life? Literally, the most powerful thing we can do is end ourselves. We aren't so special. We're just bodies with artificial flavors. No semblance of natural beauty; it's all been placed there by our self-serving pursuit of purpose. It's so much easier to believe we suffer for a reason. We don't.

A sad, frail calamity
A ship on endless ocean
Misery loves company, and that's why we've outlawed suicide, because really
You can't tell me you really believe we will be punished for ending our own durations, given to us without permissions,
You can choose your destiny as long as you stay alive. Death is not an option, until it is, and then what?

You're so glad that I'm expressing myself, but you wish i'd say some different things
So glad to see me creative again, but so against the things i say again and again and again and again and I just want somebody to make it all better like when you're 5 and don't know what existence ******* is but you get a cut on your finger and now you exist, but then your momma comes and sticks a band-aid on your finger and the pain of existence is gone. i want that feeling again.

But my mom's antibacterial powers have subsided as the ills have built resistances; they're now resisting penicillin and we don't own anything else right now. I open up my medicine cabinet, anyway. There's Tylenol. At least it'll help to ease the pain.

I take one. I take another. It isn't working. I take some more. Do these have a limit? I think they do. But I can't read at this point. I take another. I take another. I'd be counting but i can't do that, either. I keep taking the pills. I never stop. For all of eternity I take additional Tylenols, until a sad, frail calamity comes home from work and sees a sunken fleshy ship at the end of its ****** and final voyage.
Silverflame Nov 2018
The pills make me brave
no more stumbling words
or drowning in attention-waves.

The pills make me calm
no more marathon in my chest
but no calm without a storm.

The pills make me relax
no more arson in my cheeks
but i know it soon will attack.

The pills make me happy
or at least they suppress the tears
but they haven't set me truly free.

The pills make me a better version
while the real me is still a wreck
how do i break the distortion?

The pills make me feel alive
yet i'm still dying on the inside
but here i am; i intend to survive.
I'm just a sad girl trying her best to be less sad.
Thorns Nov 2018
I'm depressed sometimes suicidal
     It's okay, I'm okay (no I'm not)
No effing pill could fix this
     Pills **** anyway, don't want that ****
I'm sorry this is bad, don't be a hater just let me be depressed
     And maybe if you had a heart you would end my suffering
Depressed...
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2018
Sometimes think of happier days
How the sun shines brighter with your touch
All the desire sworn to me
Within confines of your clutch

As brain climbs up and down memories
Performing astounding acrobatics midair
What I want above anything else
For you to prove you care

This is my mind's obsession
Realize there's no turning back
Pills improve mood until effects fade
Then I am forced to deal with what I lack
I hate looking into mirrors...
Jayce Nov 2018
she recounts her life with the lovers she's had,
reliving adoration as she counts them off on her fingers
she showcases their best qualities
I cannot upstage her
I recount my life with prescription bottles
plastic and pharmacies
the time I swallowed all I had because I wanted to be happy
while she recounts, I relapse
ok okay Nov 2018
If music could numb the mind forever
Popping pills wouldn't seem so clever
:( 1:52am bored
Kyra Nov 2018
I didn't even realize what day it was yesterday.
The 7th of November didn't even ring a bell.
My mom didn't remember either.
My dad didn't call me.

It had been exactly 4 years as of yesterday.
4 years since I cried on the cold tile.
4 years since I dragged my body up,
and grabbed hold of twin pill bottles to steady myself.

I was alone, like always.
My mom left even as I was crying in front of her,
To watch my brother's football game.
I was alone.

I wrote the letter, I threw away bad memories.
Then I stood in my mothers bathroom
And poured those white pills out into my hand
And down my throat.

I stared myself in the eyes as I did it.
If you're going to **** someone,
Look them in them eyes as you do it.
No hiding.
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