i was alone in the dark.
unknown surroundings...
a tree? creek bed?
it came surging in, with screams tugging on my mind
and it took me over,
not trapping- but entrancing me.

something...... beautiful?
about losing control. about being... entranced.

Panic floods me
Rage burns
Sadness settles heavily in my stomach
Rage burns
Panic floods me
Silence is left
Pressing down on my lungs
I’d rather burn
I’d rather drown
Than choke on every breath

i’ve been hearing voices again so i’m just
staying high to drown out the voices
so many choices have led me to where i am
and i don’t think it makes sense that such a fragile, sensitive me could be born from unabashed passion
assuming
my heart aches all the time for the smell of my momma
one more time
cigarettes and cherry blossoms and all
i wish i could soar higher and higher until
the glue securing the feathers of my wings melted
and i plummeted to the earth getting to you
i found my biological dad and family from that side
he’s been passed away for a long time
biologically an orphan
but a psychic told me my dad always protects me and watches over me, there is a squash blossom necklace he wishes me to have
physically i will be just fine, self harm is not seriously physically threatening
i don’t want to die really after all
my mind is the problem
i just need the voices to make sense
and they’re not, and that’s making me scared
what is this life trying to teach me?
what about this life determines my next life?
everything
and i never wish to have these scars fade, present life and/if afterlife
every single **** and line
means something
reminds me
i am fragile; but, evidently, i’m still breathing
that has to account for something
yeah?

I straddle thru the crowd and their
drunken madrigal
stinking of variant spit.

Eyes closed,I feel myself walk,my veins                            
fall and strive like
                      movement slid across a tv screen.