Online, I am online , yet nobody knows.
Forsaken for long like megabytes lost,
Self-formatted, self-defragged in bitter woes,
Disconnected from ever vanishing host.
As errors in sectors broke, how story goes?
Yet I exist - subsist like file.exe to bin tossed.

Into digital dusk of zeroes and noise ,
Into pixelated ocean of electric dreams,
Wrecked down, kicked out of promised poise.
Appalling abyss it hungers, it redeems:
My love, the dearest and the simple joys.
Strange, no, just sad, like expired memes..

Then in this vastness, in world without God,
Where none has trod , nor trully smiled or wept.
I shall disperse myself, as does in water cod-
My thoughts and dreams will never be wrecked
Un-whispering and un-whispered there will I lie,
In cyberspace, as grass below and unvaulted sky.

You messaged me tonight
To tell me that you were sorry.
You apologized for all the pain
you caused.
You didn't expect me to want to talk,
You said you understood that I "hate" you for what you'd done.

You mentioned that you had read
Some of the words I've written
About you.
You congratulated me for
finally putting myself
"Out there".

You told me you missed me.
You told me you loved me.
You told me you'd like to see me again
sometime really soon.

Sirens started going off in my head.
My thought scattered.
I felt my heart sinking
into the depths of my chest
as my thumbs danced over my keyboard
While I tried to come up with a way to respond to you.

As the storm inside my stomach raged
and the ocean in my brain
dripped from my eyes
I typed out a final goodbye.

it's as simple as you make it
or as complicated as you need
verbs and adjectives collide
into an information stream
perfection in a photograph
that I saw while scrolling down
wishing our love was just like that
with a hashtag that's profound

i want to remember
exactly what you looked like
the day i first met you

i want to remember
the way you said my name
and tapped your fingers
on the table
because you were nervous

i want to remember
the way you walked
and the way you ordered
your coffee

i want to remember
the shirt you wore
and the way
you did your hair

i want to remember
it all;
every little piece of you

whenever i go online shopping,
no matter if it's
high end, low end, or in between,
i would always sort the items
from low to high.
not only because it's a safe way to shop
and that it makes me look like
i take budgeting seriously,
but that's the only thing i can afford.

talk about me,
a high middle class kid that tries
DESPERATELY
to not spend so much on
the things he wants
rather than the things he needs
while still unemployed
and in college
as well as getting many allowances from his parents.
you are COMPLETELY allowed to say
that i am spoiled,
i understand and am aware of that.

as i scroll down and observe
the price tags slowly rising up,
$10, $15, $29.99, $49.99, $79.99,
until it hits $3,000,
i not only thought,
"how do you think that
it was a good idea to make that
simple, plain jacket
in such a high price?"
but i also had to admit that
i really did wanted that jacket
since i thought it looked cute.

the problem with that is:
most of the stuff i wish i have
in my wardrobe,
they would all usually be so expensive,
especially since most of the stuff
i want to have is from
high end streetwear brands.

i would see almost every celebrity
wear my future wardrobe,
all looking so confident,
trendy,
iconic,
stylish.

oh, how i wish to be like them, sometimes.
how i wish to be rich.
how i wish to not worry about saving money.
how i wish to just show off iconic outfits
from amazing high end brands.
how i wish to have what i always wanted.

i know i should be content
with what i have.
i mean there always will be
other solutions to wear something
inspired by designer clothes
i've dreamed to have.

but ****, would i look good in that
$3,000 jacket.