i didn't realize you didn't care.
i tried so hard
to be there for you,
but you blew me off
like birthday candles.
my favorite smell;
next to pine trees,
on a cold december morning,
where i find myself missing you,
again.
it just turns out,
that all the pretty words you said to me
were lies
and thats alright
because
ill just find myself lying in someone else's bed tonight.

wondering
do you ever wonder why,
as i drive by,
how i throw my cigarette out the window?
so violently..
it's because i dont want it..
to fly back in.
sometimes i think,
you're just like that cigarette.
you fly back in..
unbeknownst to me
and burn my carpet.
leaving another mark,
so subtle.
yet another reminder,
of my black lungs
and black heart.
no thanks,
to you.

his name is andrew
i met him once
he seemed like an *******
but like
in a good way
we met.
i stayed at his house.
he was an actual *******.
we had ***
while i was half asleep.
i cant remember if it was consensual
in the beginning.
i left the next morning.
he started being weird.
sending me gibberish.
i blocked him.
he added me back
again
and again
and again
30 times now.
making usernames
calling me fat
and again
and again
please dont find me

I met a guy,
online,
named Jack.
He's gorgeous.
He's sweet.
He makes me think..
about all the things i've done in my life;
Why am i here?
He's beautiful.
He's nice.
He has the most **** body;
one that I want..
He's amazing.
He's smart.
I think someone is perfect.
He's picky.
He's cute,
and I like him a lot.
His name is Jack.

You’re swiping and swiping
Just to find the one
But no one reacts
And there comes the sun

A sleepless night
Maybe two
Just so you can find
The one meant for you

And notifications appear
“You’ve got a new match”
And you get excited
Finally
My feelings can get attached

Oh boy, is he the one
The chats get longer
Oh boy, is he the one
And the feelings
Stronger

But of course then he says
Let’s go out
And are you a top or a bottom
or what?

And you feel alone again
As you wanted something new
And not just the D
Hello again, pain

But, then again, you swipe and swipe
Hopeless to find
The one of a kind

I checked my net
but all I got was catfish

Conversations opened, and suddenly
the sight of a notification from "Miah"
makes my heart race

Five days pass and I'm tempted to talk about her
but she doesn't exist in the
"real world"
so I twist my tongue inside my mouth
and hide the secret of her beneath it

I cannot jinx what isn't real, or tangible
because it's easy to believe in god but "Miah" is 400 miles away
I've only seen her face pixellated on a screen

The implication is planted that I should know more
Mythical creatures are hard to believe in
and then,
"Miah's" phone number is linked to "Mike's" smiling face at his graduation

I've put my heart online and the viruses ate at it
but here in the
"real world"
I'm just another fool with a net full of catfish

Your “about me” says: ask”, but I don’t know where to start.
Your intent wants to “date but nothing serious” at heart.
But I wanna know more,
my ambition is to learn how very ambitious you are.
The 3 photos attached to your profile inspired me to write this scribe.
Hoping I don’t come off as corny cuz if I do I’ll be dying inside.
But I’ll shoot my shot, slide in ya DM and hope the best of luck.
And I ain’t goin lie, I’m digging ya style, you look **** as hell without your pictures showing too much.
Eloquent features, soft lips, but are your eyez filled with pain?
Cuz the pics don’t depict a smile, please don’t take that the wrong way.
I wanna get high with you spiritually and **** the **** out of your thoughts.
Make your spirit bust as ya soul gets wetter from every idea that was sought.
I wanna kick it, share uncontrollable laughter, go on adventures and get lost.
What’s the cost?
Free thinker, free thinker, are you thinking I’m too soft?
Nah never that, I’m just not afraid to show emotion in which this generation is currently at fault. Their lost.
Doesn’t mean I’m in love with you, doesn’t mean I’m not guarded and ****
Doesn’t mean I’m tryna lock you down like Wayne and mya and have you fallen and ****
But I am interested like whoa, who knows it could be destiny
Even though I wanna see how you put that thing on me, I can’t let you get the best of me
I wanna know everything
from your first love to your last
All just because I’m captivated and your “about me” says “ask”

So I ask.... are you intrigued as well?
Or am I looking  for love in a wrong venue?

I’m drunk and surfing dating sites,
what a terrible combination,
what the heck happened to us humans anyways,
it’s 2018 and I’m online looking for a date what a predicament,

online but outta line,
not inline but still finding the time to go offline,
on nature walks where Nature talks,
telling me that it’s not all about the money and the fame,

depressed as fck but I guess that’s a blessing,
gives me the motivation I need,
to write these lines inline with the divine,
so I guess that makes me one with The Divinity,

I’m drunk what the fck,
I don’t even usually drink,
but then again I often do,
things I don’t usually do jeez,

humans are such a strange species,

humans are such a strange species,
but we’ll all be dead in a 100 years anyways,
so who cares take a sip take a trip,
smoke a spliff and let yourself lift,

see they say the only way,
to find your self is to lose your self,
not sure what that means exactly,
but they say a lot of things so oh well,

oh well,
spilling my heart out online,
in my feelings feeling all emo,
can’t have a good time but Lord knows I’m trying,

can’t have a good time or keep it together,
and this constant state of deja vu keeps washing over me,
pouring myself drinks from a bottom of Kettle One,
that was left over from a girl that came over then left me,

but I can’t blame her I probably deserved it,
because I’m damaged goods anyways,
broken hearted so I break hearts,
she should’ve known better anyways,

anyways,
what’s my point,
this isn’t a poem,
this is a warning,

stay the fck away from me,
let me die in peace,
leave me alone so I can write these words,
so that there’s something left in time when I leave,

going soon,
but until then,
I’ll write these words,
using a laptop instead of a pen,

because it’s 2018,
and everything is strange,
“When I was a kid we didn’t even have cell phones!”,
oh well holmes I guess I have aged,

I’m drunk and surfing dating sites,
what a terrible combination,
what the heck happened to us humans anyways,
it’s 2018 and I’m online looking for a date what a predicament…

∆ Aaron LaLux ∆

Tinder dame, early September,
kindred flame I'll long remember.
I crossed her path & she crossed mine,
attraction shared was so in line.
A close encounter, nothing serious?
I'd never tried, she had me curious.
Commitment for us to meet soon,
tonight at 9, nearby saloon.
The tension built 'til she arrived,
a warm embrace, my fears subside.
All the while my stomach in knots,
we cleared the air & shared our thoughts.
Talk of cribbage & our pasts,
hopes for futures built to last.
Face to face, our eyes spoke words,
reading minds, beyond what's heard.
Telling I could use a nudge,
She told me she's not one to judge.
Rainier cans & shots of whiskey,
holding hands & feeling frisky.
She opened doors, established trust.
Leaving together was a must.
One more dose of nerve eraser,
another first, a pickle chaser.
We walked along, enjoyed the view,
talked and smoked, Camel's for two.
The house of love, our room awaits,
we tiptoed through the noisy gates.
Alone at last, where to begin?
The curtains drawn, a lovers den.
Our souls & skin soon came together,
kissing lips soft like a feather.
Arousal swelled, and time stood still,
as I explored her lakes and hills.
A loving gesture I did get,
the best one I have ever yet.
Overcome with thoughts of lust,
the mounted madam felt my ******.
Upon her neck, my hands feel right,
She'll teach me more another night.
Our scissored legs ensured a ride,
within so deep I could reside.
Both of us were so perspired,
we drank some water, cooled the fire.
On through the venture we pursued,
enjoyed each other in the ****.
I found it such a great surprise,
my hands controlled her rolling eyes.
A luscious lass with her own way,
her glass half full began to spray.
I found it far beyond appealing,
it gave us both a special feeling.
Afterwards we're side by side,
I couldn't sleep, my smile's so wide.
Bursts of sleep, I dreamt for more,
was not prepared to close this door.
In morning light, our eyes would meet,
I kissed her more beneath the sheet.
Our bodies rested now and ready,
I gave her mine & took hers steady.
I lost my focus in her eyes,
My ***** release, between her thighs.
A perfect evening, morning too,
a shared passion with someone new.
A breakfast spot, that we both know,
Sandwich, omelet, cups of joe.
It was so nice to share a meal,
two new friends who made a deal.
As we went our separate ways,
I hope again, her eyes I'll gaze.
When I felt lost, inside myself,
I found my way through someone else.