"Pain is weakness leaving the body."


- Evan Huang

big and wide the size of my heart is but you'd rather just to sit and hide between the trees rather than to come and search for me.

on a boat, fighting waves of doubts

on your ocean of lies and  its fiery souths

i was struggling to find the other end

an imbalanced pole on your world's ends



then you came down, like jesus reborn

you had all the light and the wings, I could have sworn

i snatched the wings and escaped your menace

so i flew until i couldn't see you anymore



the sun scorched my skin so i hid in the clouds

but they fogged up my mind like how you fog me up

your love lies beneath each thin air I breathe

so i suffocated until i couldn't breathe



my wings were tired and they couldn't flap another round

so i held on tightly to my parachute

I slowly drifted down, down and back down to your crust

until i found myself on your comforting waves



comforting waves of lies



so i drowned inside your depths

and i found myself trapped inside your flesh

on a bed for a night and insomnia for tomorrow

this is how we're gonna be, a forever daydream in every night

I have been contemplating for days now or even more.
I even seek for answers from you but all I got was nothing.
I don't blame you for that. You're just being you.
I have reached to the point that I secretly ask for you to stop reaching me out.
And, I blatantly ask for a cool off, a break, a space but you refused.


There's one thing that I am sure of, I don't want to make arguments with you.
Though, the quest lives on and it's getting arduous.
At times, I'd end up crying and felt hopeless.
And, I feel like I'm being subjugated by this quest.
I prayed so hard each day and even ask for a sign that could shed light to all this.


Just this day, an unexpected realization sunk in to my mind.
At first, I thought that I just fell out of love. Subconsciously, my mind was fighting over it.
This what actually prevails, "SELFLESS LOVE".
Often times, you would hear me asking for you to message me in the morning, at noon, at night.
Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't.
But, it's all fair.

I said, "I LOVE YOU" and your consistent response was, "As it should".
Again, it is still fair.
I'm not being sarcastic here. But, I truly understand what you are trying to imply.
You are just expressing your thoughts and what your heart is actually telling you.

I have realized that at this point, you don't love me in the same way that I do.
Though, I know that you truly care about me in which I am very grateful for.
And, it would be very unfair for you to do things that you're not comfortable with.
It is always good to let things flow naturally not forcibly.

You would still hear me saying, 'I love you' and asking for you to message me but it's not something that you are oblige to do.
It's just me trying to be sweet? to be cute? (I don't know how you would take it)
I perfectly understand what "SELFLESS LOVE" is.
I don't worry about the outcome or whether I am giving more.
All I know is that I love you wholeheartedly and I don't expect something from you in return.
..."To love selflessly, makes me feel good and whatever I'm getting, it's always the right amount."

For two years
we spent every day together
every night talking
I thought we were friends

For two years I listened to you
talk about everything
heart ache, family, work
I thought I knew you

FOR TWO YEARS
I SUPPORTED YOU
I HELPED YOU THROUGH SO MUCH
why now is it like this

You say now that I am your darkness
that I make you an alcoholic
You perverted everything we did
and tried to take my friends

For two months
you ignored me
We live together but you ignored me
now it’s been four months


And I’ve given up on you

Hanging off my little necklace
Come back to ashes
Cause i'm so sick of this place
Troubles get ready to chase
But i'm not pretty sure to face