DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, sometimes realization hits hard, like a suffocating breath:\



They broke her bones and scratched her pride

They whipped her skin and shattered her spirit

They locked her soul in her body

They stole her truth

and swept her dreams

and split her heart into a million piece

They deprived her of hope and kept her thirsty for a breath



                                                                               ------ravenfeels

A girl who is lonesome on a regular basis, isn't based upon their own choice... But by their own desire to hold an identity bear without regulating (properly) the reasons as to why or how too essentially fix them?? Someone would say they aren't both comfortable and doesn't want to live this type of life... Except, they do, and they are very good at it. Do you not seriously think they aren't truly comfortable with it...?! Because by how I've gotten to know them, they seem entirely thrilled by this very aspect upon the features that drown them in sorrowful lust or delusional ecstasy for the illusional better!
Don't make me laugh.... You seriously think she "would" be comfortable with ANY of this...? WELLL.... DO YOU???!!! NO...! She simply... DOESN'T! And I wouldn't, either. Because I know what it's like to live in something that has tormented me right down to my very component cells. (Not truly knowing how to regulate the emotions that run those very component cells...DRY!) Something that ricochets the exposure over an entire even playing field that's become too GREATLY ODD! For something that doesn't make sense, doesn't also have too be the permanent source of lifestyle one has become standard upon (the now very normalized lifecycle of this very way of life itself).
So, what happens when someone who is lonesome and who's seemingly lost...while also supposedly meant too be good at it, simultaneously...? Well...isn't it obvious by now...?
"A lonesome girl who's good at being alone".....

It has been a while
Since that time.
You know.
That night.
My first date
And that carnival ride.

Yeah,
I'm terrified.

Tell me how you managed it,
How you remember it.

Because young sir,
I highly doubt it is the same as I.
Or do you wake up screaming too?

Because I do.
Never forgetting
Always blaming myself
For something I had no control over.

Did you enjoy my innocence?
Because I wish I could have it back.
That you hadn't done what you had
That I didn't have to see your heart of black.

It still hurts down there.
That place.
You were inside of me before I could say a single thing.
Before I could even say "No"

You make me sick.
So sick that I wanna bleed.
But everyone knows now
And trying to keep me sane.

I had told you that I was saving myself
But all you could say,
"Please Baby, Please!
I love you so much!
Just give me this much!"

Didn't know what to do,
I just freeze.
What am I suppose to say
What do I do now?
Do I talk to my mother and father
Face that judgement
Or do I block it all away with a smile

What do I do
What do I do
What do I do now?!

What the hell am I suppose to do now?!
You hurt me!
You broke me!
I'll never forget!
Pray to a God I no longer trust?!
You both were suppose to protect me and look at me NOW!

I'm ******* bleeding from my wrists!
I have no remorse.
I can't ******* sleep no more
Can't even hug my father.
What am I gonna do now...?!

we stand there,
in the night,
underneath the street light.

the sky is soo dark,
small dots of light shine a little,
your arms are around my waist.

i look up at you,
a smile across my face,
your eyes bluer than ever.

you're laughing,
at something someone said,
i whispered i love you to you.

but it doesn't matter now,
none of it does,
it's all gone.

we were frozen in time,
we stand still,
happy and in-love.

in the photograph,
i thought there was love,
but all there is are lies.