Starlight boy, made of constellations, you are my guiding light. You carry the sky, or are you the sky. The waves of purple to navy to black, a collection of your shades. Every one as beautiful as the last. Your night sky never gets tiring to look at. Shifting, moving, covered, but forever there. Within and without, miles from where we are but so close I feel like I could reach out and touch you. So present and so distant, you my starlight boy are a collision of feigned hearts and scrabbled messages. You’re so hard to read, but it’s all never made so much sense until I saw you. So sing me sleepy and say goodbye before sunrise interrupts your melody. But I’ll see you again my love, every night I have left on this Earth, I’ll look towards you.

i used hate the way i would be awake at four in the morning.
i remember the way everything used to feel so haunting and scary.
there were no words to describe how deep inside my mind i would sink into,
scared and afraid of no return.

but now,
oh now,
i love it.
i fell in love with the quiet.
there was no more worry or fear.

where do mattresses go when they leave your home?
do they hitch a ride back to Oregon
that place that you only pitched as an idea for a funny road trip
but never actualized
instead the map with all the pins of the places you've visited
has become the places you'll go and now it's slanting askew  
because your sense of perception is always a little crooked
do they sit by the curb of a dilapidated 7-11 and watch everyone
give them bedroom eyes
is there such a thing as pining or are we naturally drawn to the new?
something foreign that can be learned with time and patience
but the patience runs out like the water in the bag where that fish you won at the fair came in
and when you got home there was only plastic and the rubbery upside down belly of fish scales in an airless vacuum

do they enter through the window and shimmy under the
other dusty things in the attic?
Do they make themselves at home telling you stories of
everything they've seen and don't you wish that
the guests always stayed longer than you could hope for
but forever is not in your cards, it's not even in the receipts
you horde in the kitchen drawer
forever is stuck under the couch but you never check
because it's easier to just sit and think about it

They say a sad soul is always up past midnight.
It's 1:30 AM right now.
I'm still stuck in this perpetual cycle of overwhelming emotions,
None of which are easy for me to avoid and forget altogether.

With the sound of shuffling leaves
I gaze at the moon
With you on my mind
And I will you to glance up, too,
And I wonder if you will.
I wonder if we’ll ever find ourselves
Gazing up to the sky
Miles apart
And so connected
With the blue light
That shines in our eyes
As the strings to our hearts
Strengthen again.
Love me until the end
As I will love you.

In the quiet of the night,
it's when my mind can't seem
to keep quiet.
Running at a hundred miles with no
stopping.
Head spinning and mouth
drying,
stomach turning with
non-stop reminders of the
what if's and never know.
All the things I shouldn't think
of.
- dizzy.