‘It’s like you never feel anything’

I do

You just can’t see it
That’s a good thing
Me keeping it inside
That’s a good thing

If you could get inside my head
You'd see how I am a nervous wreck
You'd see how each decision sends me in a frenzy
You'd see how each morning I wake up terrified of what might come

But luckily you don't

I can't have you ruining my reputation after all

Her mind's a beautiful mess
Bundles of nerves pathways of stress
Neuronic implosions she's got no rest
You find her strange like she's compressed
Ready to blow if she hits a crest
So you slice her open run some tests
Find her crazy as expected unless
She's actually unbelievably blessed
With the capacity to think and process
Beyond all the pomp and dress
And elevate herself with finesse
Above that which is meaningless

There was something about her eyes.
Something comforting yet.
No matter how beautiful her lips could vocalize.
Nothing could compare to wandering the pupils of her eyes.
Those dark spheres that held so much in.
They'd expand then shrink
Almost as if they took a breath.
I don't know if it was anxiety,
The attempt of labeling this urge of wanting to ask so badly why they hung the way they did.
Knowing all of me but refusing to speak.
Those soft spoken eyes that looked like they could speak for hours.
I felt a tingling in my chest.
An explosion of sorts.
Scattering in every direction.
Something in me just wanted to blurt out what is it already.
Feeling this urge travel up my throat.
The brink of knowing you shouldn't but not wanting to listen to that inner voice that could jeopardize her comfort.
Wanting to know more about her,
Her lips compelled more to this connection.
The continuing of infatuation.
I slid my back against the side of her nose.
Easing my shoulder against the corner of her right eye.
I couldn't explain this comfort.
Allowing myself to be at ease with someone I barley knew.
But could totally relate.
Afraid to speak in fear of being totally misunderstood.
Things that might have taken place so far from where she stood, being in two places at one time.
I sought to understand.
Listening to a calm hush between us two.
Listening deeply for any indication, wondering if the feeling was mutual.
The conversation I longed to have with our backs now against the wall.
She'd politely stare.
Letting the sun polish her eyes a different shade.
Then out of the blue.
She turned to me and thanked me for understanding.
Knowing that not everything required an answer, not even words for that matter.
Continuing to sit beside her and share the comfort of ultimate silence.
Deep down I still wanted to blurt what was it about her eyes.
Those warm and inviting eyes.
Before I knew it I just started blabbing.
An instantaneous combustion of conversation happening out of nowhere.
My voice becoming hers. Revealing my curiosity.
How I've wandered around her eyes the moments I've sat next to her.
And before she knew it, they started talking.
Guiding me further into them

A broken bicycle left without repair,
a lonely ghost weeping in despair.
This is me, and I am this.
And as long as I'm living,
I will never be kissed.

A fantasy,
pushed far into the corner,
for he is a newborn,
while I am a mourner.

But suddenly I'm in his glow;
his golden heart upon my skin.
Now it's harder than ever,
to try and let him in.

I like him,
that's barely a fact.
I am a daisy and
only bees shall I attract.

He likes me,
this is flimsily known,
but if he is a sun,
he melts my bones.

Whenever you get close
My eyes water,
My throat closes up,
My thoughts jumble,
I can barely think straight.
My sentences pour out like spoiled milk.
I bet you think I'm an idiot
But I really hope not.

So close yet so far, the magnetisation
of atoms is wrenching me halfway across
the world towards you. I can feel your air,
inches from mine, yet time flinches away
from me. I would wish for nothing more than
to be caught in your embrace of fire - two
years of wishing, and now as the days count down,
I wonder if your breath, your voice, your nature...
if it will be the way I always expected.