My biggest fear,
I realized after drinking,
Was probably
Not being loved the same way I love.

Maybe I was terrified
Of giving too much
That people can't even give me
Even just the slightest love

Or maybe I was scared
Scared that I gave a lot of myself
To others
But they didn't want any.

Maybe I was scared of rejection.

Maybe I'm terrified of being alone
Alone, lost in my thoughts,
Unsafe with myself, and
A high risk of hurting myself.

I hate my self.

Days like today call for second dinners
Because days like today missed the one in the morning

Seconds dinners substitute one for the other
You get sleep, but miss the one
You miss sleep, but get the other
Though you hardly ever get the one,
You can still hope to get the other,
Because one bowl filled with satin glazed rings is just as promising as those midnight stars outside your window.
They both help you sleep
and the thunder begins to settle.

You mouth the words to your favourite song playing loudly out of the stereo as I watch, enamoured by just how nice the red glow of a passing taillight looks as it dances across your face.

A daily riddle has come to mind
Where abstract words break an abstract mind
Things once healed
Fall apart
After the moon hits the golden mark
Dilapidated eyes hear harsh lullabies
But no baby cries
No baby cries
Just you and I
Cries fit for the night
The dubious night
The doubtful night
The dangerous night
Our bittersweet night

A midnight flower dances in the moonlight;

An owl soars through starlit clouds;

Glistening dewdrops sparkle in the shadows;

Crickets chirp amongst the stillness;

The wind howls through the darkness;

Crinkle of paper as the insomniac turns the pages;

The only sounds which stir in the night.

To its mistresses wish, the blade dances through till she has been pleased, leaving a mess by engraving the scars of death as a mark, Alike a shadow she does not crack, cavorting a masacre of cruelty,
Berserking she follows the orders, shedding blood in fountains of death and misery without chance for this rage to stop without order,
Emotionless, cold, time is for her to stop moving when her ****** devotion consumes her entirely, swaying in the dark, destroying,
Tortured with true or false everyone disappears, time flows again,
A phantom glides over the sea of blood, in a mist, scarlet red,
Observing this would cause a riot of emotions to rage in pure fury,
Her name already burnt away, as a new one was given to her after this rumpus had found its peak, leaving the mistress in bliss, joy,
Watching their attemps to flee as they reach their dying moments,
Until those who get to close have perished, nobody and nothing left,
Cricling karma surely will catch them, after this sacrifice is done,
Warm blood melts the left over snow, laughter echos and reverbrates through the unending seeming night, bells ring, it is only midnight.
In the end her loyalty and efforts, her energy and love for her mistress
Are but a ****** devotion

~ Umi