My brain is moving

a million miles per hour,

though it pleads to stop.

Help me again from this pain,
My heartbeat is beating so fast and
I don't want to feel this way again
My body is shaking and nobody came
No love from others , and my heart always get some stain.

I feel I was in the penitentiary,
Trapped inside a cell,can't find a way to set me free,
I'm alive but I feel I'm dead
Every second of my life I felt I was running in a thread
Those books I read , Still hauntin' my head ,
The Knowledge I received , Is it good or bad?

This panic attacks , Solution is Xanax
Very addictive , but Helps me to relax.
Is this the same way to begin with ?
Or choose "To be Alive or Dead?"

She wants to talk to me, But I don't want to hear her voice
Voice of selfish person that keeps haunting me since I was broken,
Breaking my heart, ripped every piece of my soul.
You're so lucky because you easily found someone else, ******* *****.

And this is what happen to me , every night I keep pushing myself
that I don't really need you anymore ,
Until the years past I completely move on
Now I'm free , I'm better but not completely at all.

Because since you left me , There's a voice inside my head
That keeps telling me life is just a joke and death is the solution.

i am not here
i am not yet born,
i am in a crate
i am not sure
i am not what i thought i was
i am still
i am lost
i am not yet grown
i am going
i am going
i am going
i am going far
...far
......far
.........far
downhill
i am sure

why is everyone assuming im so good
"im so glad youre doing well"
"you seem so happy!"
"oh this is great that you are doing so much better."
but i am not
i am crying in grocery stores
and running because i ate a twinky
i am crumbling
i am not okay
this is not okay