A dormant fear is stirring,
Tremors in an ocean trench.
Tsunami waves of panic
Flood the shoreline village of my mind.
I’m broadcasting intricate distress signals,
But your Red Cross sensibilities
Cannot decipher the code.
One more second of living like this
And the many people I have become
Will surely all drown.
“Wait! Is that a lifeboat in the distance?”
“No – it’s just another day.”
A 12 month psych ward purgatory doesn't help. It just makes you better at lying about how you are really feeling today.
( Hands right
Me a love poem.
Make me feel like a queen,
(Like Joanna of Castile?
I know who she is, you ****)
Like I am worshipped and adored.
(Like Imelda Marcos then?
I have more shoes)
Make my heart flutter
And swell until it bursts.
(Be careful what you wish for
Treat me like a princess
(Shanti Rajya Lakshmi Devi
I've Googled her as well)
And make all my dreams come true.
(I dream of a loaded gun.
So you can **** me?)
"No, just myself.
All I want is for you to ******* feel something".
separation death suicide pain marriage mental gun princess queen love
So maybe you deserve better?
So maybe I'm just the same.
And does it make you feel clever,
For letting go of things
That made you important?
This feeling has to die.
I never wanted this and I didn't want to try.
It's not the gun that's the killer,
It's the bullets deep inside
Of the heart that is poisoned
And you're screaming all the time.
I'd rip my own skin off to make your feelings mine.
I'm not staring, I'm just asleep.
I'm not staring, I'm just a sheep.
I'm not crying, my eyes began to flood.
I'm not bleeding, this blood is ******* mud.
I gave you a chocolate bar last night.
As if that could soften the blow of divorce.
A divorce that hits,
With all of the force
Of things that came before
the last few scenes
Of this remorseful divorce.
I invited you to breakfast.
As if eating cancer inducing bacon with our children,
Will close this void.
A void that has grown,
As you try to avoid
Eye contact with the man who annoyed,
But was gravely ill
And took no joy
As his marriage became
This hideous void.
I love the smell of freshly signed divorce papers in the morning (sic).
Rides around the supermarket -
Got her head on tight.
Rides around the supermarket -
Got to flow.
Steals glances with a gun and
Steals children with a gun, so
Start to pray.
Final bells are signalling
Hell to pay.
Final bells are heralding
The judgement day.
I am broken waters and made of scabs.
I'm a broken down drink of water, laced with scabs.
Just straight repeats are playing
In the darkness.
"Beat me" proceeds burnt out,
Broken, beat-up, second hand,
Carve grooves and ruts so deep
On fractured psyches.
"Don't you want to turn it off now,
Take their hands and give them cleaning?"
"Don't you want to burn the house down,
Gather ashes and give life meaning?"
Once upon a time my breath
Caught so hard I thought my chest,
It might explode and the thought that I,
I might fall down and then just die.
"But there's love, love on the kitchen floor" -
"But there's death, death at the table" -
And my heart
Will break itself in two,
Because I'm ready willing able.
So don't stop.