men were terrified,
of the power females held
thus, women belied

you don’t shy away;
that’s my favourite thing about you

you’re comfortable in your skin,
or under pounds of cake,
in your ripped jeans and cropped tops,
sneakers or wedged heels

handsome in dresses
pretty in suits
shades of pink and blue
gender norms have got nothin’ on you.

comfortable. safe. confident.
that is you.

i look out into dark, savoring the quiet, the stillness of new dawn, wondering who die today, whose life will end and whose will change forever, sending a shock of wave of pain and grief from an epicenter of a dead soldier

who will die today, whose mother wife daughter will cry today, whose father son brother will fall today

the sun has risen, reality has set in, its time to ride, its time for some to die, we roll the dice, who will land snake eyes

to sit in the humvee, knowing you are playing russian roulette, you can’t  have hope, no inkling of a dream, lose the desire, it is the only way to survive, knowing you may die, give up all hope, consider yourself dead, be grateful at the end of the day when you are not. the drive down suicide alley, like the walk up gallow’s stairs. now i know how they felt. you surrender to fate. you stop thinking, you stop feeling, you go numb.

no longer in control, my life is no longer mine to live or die

i don’t believe in You, not since i was a boy, but i pray, that if we hit an IED, that i die instantaneously. i don’t want to lay on the ground, feeling the horror of dying, crying that i want to live, screaming out for my mother like i’ve seen happen to other guys

there are things worse than death, the living hell of coming home in pieces, physically damaged, emotionally traumatized, spiritually disillusioned, which slowly erodes and destroys your life. a new war, another battle, this time at home, fought in your head. the cycle of trauma 6-9-12, addiction, depression, how long do you let yourself free fall till you hit rock bottom

i am a man, i am not suppose to be afraid, but i am, i can’t show or say, not to them, especially not to you. i am not allowed to show fear, be vulnerable, you will lose respect, stop loving me, tell me to man up, in some subtle way

when everyone has left, everything lost, when the pain is greater than the fear. you must, you will, reach out, or die in combat, killed in action, in the war fought in your mind.

People walk all about
Humming a soundless tune of self-doubt
The drinks keep coming
Steeped in endless fuming

Friends joke around
A truth sealed and bound
Hiding behind a deadpan
Sustaining the image of an American man

‘More!’, everyone shouts
Raising their cups forgetting their spouse
Sitting here with a straight face
Wanting to forget my workplace

A man is a man
Is a man
He stands tall
With strong shoes
And blue jeans
And red wings
He does not strut
But
He owns the block
With his talk and walk

A man is a man
He understands
To be gruff is to be loved
To be aloof is to be good
Muscles to waste away
And away
And away
And

A man
Broke the rule
A man
Choked me through
Pulled me too close
Transparent as ghosts
An unyielding lust

To the horrors of man
Stare into fear
Such horrid leer

But please
Don't
Hurt
Me
So
I
Let
This
Man
Take and steal and scare and sing
Or better yet his radio sang

Such a long quiet sorrowful manly drive
For those who wish to thrive

Be a man?
No
Take a stand

For a man is a man is a man is
A
Man

Man
You broke my life
Left me as bile
But I'm still alive
With vision for miles
I see it clearly now
I see that a man is a man is a man
I understand
You're sad

There once was a ledge way out at the edge, of the world,
Where one day a man found himself in the hands of the girls, who lived in The Land of Do as You Please.

The man was aghast for he remembered the past when the girls would sit with their hands behind their backs, and promise to wait on his beck and call.

So when he returned to the land he was distinctly appalled, for none of the girls paid him any attention at all. He took them and shook them, and called them all out. Screaming and Screaming " Ma'am what's this all about?"

Finally, out of all of the noise, emerged a beautiful woman full of grace and poise. She said to the man, " Sir! Get down on your knees! For after all, this is The Land of Do as You Please!" So without further ado the man took off his shoes, shaking with anger for he didn't like to lose. He looked at the woman with anger and spite, and lifted his fist with all of his might. Before the man with the oversized hands, could land a blow, the beautiful woman's eyes started to glow.

She turned bright red, looked to him and said, " Well my good sir, I think you might be just dead!"

With a final breath rattling from his chest, the big man lay his head down to rest. The woman sighed and looked around, for there were piles and piles of other men laying on the ground. All meeting the same fate as the last, each of their ideals also stuck in the past. The woman turned smiling glee, knowing she was finally safe, in The Land of Do as You Please.