This soul craved resurrection that blood splashed look as olive anointed.
My flesh decayed for decades but these bones couldn't turn into dust.
These lungs bond atoms and cells mitosise.
My skin peeled, shed and bloomed again to rebirth.

Freedom is oxygen for a soul
A feeling in your longs
That’s filled with gold
We don’t al have this feeling
Lungs are hollow

My heart is pacing
thudding against my ear drums
like I just ran a marathon.

I feel nauseous and light.
Breathe
But somehow this word doesn't seem to make a difference.
Breathe
But no sir seems to find a way into my lungs.
Breathe
But somehow all I find myself is being a sympathetic nervous system.
With self doubt crashing
and enveloping me.

My hands are trembling with
jittering nerves passing underlyingly.
Somehow nothing is soothing
Or calming me.

Why do people hate the rain?

Why do people
               h   a   t   e
                         anything?

Why expel that effort
When instead
You could just let it roll
off your back
over your head
into your lungs?

but wait--
          that is called
                    d   r   o   w   n   i   n   g

i cannot seem to find any air
when i am with you .
                                    .
                         ­             .

so
i try to make myself anew,
and then
push myself out into a world where i find that
then
i cannot breathe,

and so when you hit me,
instead of laughing,
i just choke ,

and instead, when i feel water
in my lungs,
i heave
instead of hiccuping,
and finally understand why
i am not the favorite child.
.

i look to you,
my eyes trace your face,
your jaw,
your neck, your shoulders...

my eyes move up to your lips.
i then will my eyes up to yours, latching onto your gaze.
i grab hold of it with whatever i can...
i beg you with the dilation of my pupils to just please
speak to me.

i can see it...the little inkling of a phrase,
a word, or
a name.

it's so close...it lingers on your lips,
the scent of the unknown word plaguing my nose.

your lips part.

and i see it. you are about to say my name...
you are so close to saying it.

but your lips slowly close,
my name retreating back into your lungs.


i swear that,
when you exhaled i
could have sworn i had seen my name spelled out in the cold winter air


that night.

i took breathing for granted
until the day you stole the
air from my lungs,

i took it for granted until
my ribs became steel traps
caging me in captive
like a threat to itself

there's nights i'll wake up
gasping in the heat of fire,
choking in the smoke and
begging for sweet oxygen.

not long ago i could breathe
without giving a thought
and the only thing that
feels right is when i cry
and what love of of red, pink
and white that you gave me
is now clear and transparent

i've gotten used to breathing
in the world this way without
your heartbeat in sync with mine

but now it's beating with the
monsters within the wall

it's beating with the monsters
within me