Here I sit
Alone in my bed
At 3 in the morning.
I am NOT missing you.
I am NOT feeling lonely.
I am NOT tired!!

Because if I was tired
Then I would dream
And if I dreamt

I would dream of you.

It's 11:11
and for the first time
after a very long time
I'm wishing for myself
and not for you

Sometimes...
I talk to the moon
And tell it all the things that I can't say to him...

Loving her
Was so difficult
It was like smoking a cigarette
Because I hated it so much
But craved it every day
Needed her taste on my tongue
I loved the rhythm
The consistency
Hated the mornings after
And the disease in my lungs
Even though she smelled so sweet
It was like she poisoned me every day
Yet I kept coming back for more

is too close to yours
he somehow
reminds me of you
they all
remind me of you
i find myself
thinking of you
our inside jokes
how you would comfort me
even if you caused my dismay
i think i miss us
i felt so much with you
but now
with them
i feel nothing deeper
than basic appreciation
i miss feeling so deeply
even if it was on the floor
sobbing
while you said you wanted to **** yourself
and i said we could do it together
how do i feel like that again?

when you miss him
yet he used to yell at you
its called manipulation
when you miss his laugh
yet he used to laugh at you
its called manipulation
when you miss his kiss
****…
this is manipulation
did i make the right decision
this is manipulation
i wish i stayed
just to be with him a little longer
yet freedom feels just as nice
better than eggshells
eggshells were all i walked on
even when there was carpet
but i miss it?
this is manipulation
isn’t it…