We write it and we destroy it
Do with it what we see fit
Tear it up
Burn it, hide it below dead js in a cup
Like our souls
Like the cigarette burn holes
In our shirts and our arms
Our sleeping bags
Awoken to forever-under-our-eyes bags

just using losing you because i (don't) want to

The harsh reality about everything and anything is that
all great things come to an end.
Don’t get me wrong,
I’ll never forget the midnight conversations we had,
nor the times I dreamt about us being together.
Not a day will go by
where I won’t think about you,
or your plans for the day, or who you’re with.
But the hard truth is inevitable.
This isn’t me giving up.
This is just me accepting that we will never be.
You and me was a simple fantasy in my head,
but let’s face it, not all fairytales have happy endings.
I know that I’m not the best for you.
Seeing you with other guys, smiling and laughing ;
I’m beyond happy for you.
As much as it may ****
that I’m not a part of that happiness anymore,
or that I know that you’d be perfectly fine without me…
Yeah it hurts, but at least I know
that somewhere out there,
you’re having the time of your life with someone else —
something that we never could’ve had
no matter how hard I try.

a childhood
ripped away so quickly
i felt it's whisk
like a smack to the face.

the grey lines
stopped appearing on the wall
after four foot one
and christmas presents piled up
in the untouched room
you once brought life to.

once upon a time,
we had just enough, perhaps a little less,
and now we have more,
always extras.

i can feel your warm hands
as they sit neatly in mine.
i can see your contagious laughter
and the lines you get on your forehead.

report cards stopped coming in,
as did paintings and mother's day cards.
toys stayed as dolls and crayons,
never did they graduate to more.
our house looks so innocent,
but the impurities speak otherwise.

your little boots still sit at the door,
red and shiny and untouched.
a baby coat hangs above them,
mud covering the bottom half in entirety.

and i will continue to sit on the rocking chair
in the corner of your bedroom,
cradling your blanket so ****** tightly
it's fibres embed themselves in me,

for all that started off as miracles
fade too soon.

Your hollow cheeks,
mirror hollow cheques.
Don't. Worry. No. More.
When the envelope hits the floor.
Remember the bill,
promised it wouldn't ****.

But who said it wouldn't hurt.

I emerge like the moon
on a sleep deprived  sky
I float through the  night
only to land on your hostile ground
The evenings a salute
to   it´s failures
There are episodes
of you in my life
which  have  no ending.
I  dot the bullets, as I lay
my head on a pillow
filled  with your words
I  crave  tomorrow
but as  the  sun rips through my
heavy curtains
Every strenght I managed to save
for this  day
Was I robbed of  yesterday.
Tomorrow comes and I
go back to sleep

daffodils and daisies and dandelions too
all in my garden of yellow, pink, red, and blue
in the midst of the colors, a lone rose stands out
its lack of color is what all go on about

the irony of how white projects more beauty
than purple dahlias or orange orchids, you see,
i have never really understood til today
color doesnt matter, the way they always say

now that it's gone i realize my great mistake
of failing to care for it, for letting it break
in my mind 'twas just always going to be there
it was a mere flower i had just learned to bear

but something always stopped me from having it torn
from my almost perfect lawn, every sunday morn
however small a place it had in my big heart,
i am glad to have given it at least a part

special, you may truly say, this rose really was
strong, beautiful, something you can surely trust
although it's gone, it will never be forgotten
it owns the fraction of my heart i cannot mend

10 Things I Wish I Could've Told You...
but never did.

1: I used to fantasize about us listening to that song that always reminded me of you and we'd be laughing and singing and we wouldn't have a care in world except where we were gonna buy our french fries. I'd feel as free as the snowflakes that never fell while we coast down the boulevard.

2: I snuck out of class one time to text you. I thought I was super cool for doing something bad... but then I had to do the entire science experiment with my phone in my jacket sleeve. I came pretty close to lighting it on fire with a bunsen burner, actually.

3: I remember how you could make anything hilarious. Whether it was laughing about overrated jokes from the internet or ironic things we probably shouldn't even be laughing about, you'd turn the situation upside down because that's the way you liked to see the world. You taught me that just looking from another perspective could make the ocean and sky switch places.

4: I lost sleep of worrying about you - I would awake in a cold sweat worried that my biggest nightmare would come true.

5: I would always push accusations of this happening to the back of my mind, but little did I know that when I thought I was protecting you I was really protecting myself.

6: I miss your laugh

7: I miss your smile

8: I miss the way you cared about everyone. Your heart was so big that all the 7 billion people on this earth could have a piece of it, a chance to taste the love and sweetness that resided in there, and when all the sugar saturated in the bottom you always knew how to shake it back up again, but man did they take every last piece. They took it all so that you were left with an emptiness that you had to fill with something else. And you filled it up, but it wasn't with love.

9: I can't live in a world without you

10: You were the first and only person I turned to for a very long time, and you were the only person who I could really trust. You gave me a piece of your heart too, except that I cherished mine. And to this day, I wear your heart on my sleeve.