my whole life
i spent searching for you
for a love that would save my life
for someone to save me
from myself
from my pain
from my sorrorw
now I realize the love has been there for me all along
the love within myself
I realized I was always waiting for someone else
to give me permission to allow me
to live the life that
I want to live
the only permission that I need is my own
and what I realized was
that my greatest fear came true
but not in a bad way
I was always so afraid of being all alone
without friends or family
and I am
and eventhough it is hard sometimes
it is not as scary as I thought
its actually a blessing
to learn who I am
to learn how to heal myself
how to start accepting myself
loving myself and listening to myself
and my wants and my needs first
before anyone else's
to learn to proritize myself
many people when they are dying say
I wish I would've listened to myself more
and lived the life of my own choosing
I think this should be the goal before anything else
for in this body
we only live once
so the more I listen
the more I see
that life can be so beautiful
in its simplicity
in the present moments
of  a slower life.

I wait (selfishly)
For my sunflowers to grow.
After a long winter,
watching sunlight
dappled on dancing leaves
that once shuddered to the beat
of (Wind, Rain, Perpetuity)
Nature
in motion.
I spy
(patiently)
at the sprouts and seedlings,
Willing them-
Asking for the sixteenth time
From the back seat
(my couch)
Are we there yet?
Taking offence at the
steady dripping cadence of time,
Forgetting the lessons
I buried in the early spring.

Grieving the living,
Envying the dead,
This world is one
That will **** with your head.

And like amber,
Time here will harden you.
But leave a beauteous soul.
As a hunk of coal,
They will burn you
And chide, as you go up in smoke.

DREAMS WILL SURELY PASS.
Looking up to my life.
Seen only your image
Searching my heart,
Seen only Your image and name
Then I know you are my true love in life  

Each day,I fight to stop seen you
But you kept on making ways into my life and heart
And I love you so much
Every day your in my heart.
With me to stay.
You are my best friend in life
My best companion and adventure half

And one day the father of my children. 
 I wonder how my heart always come home
To discuss my day with you in 5D. 
 I see us growing old together.
Having a bright future forever.  

Becoming a life legends
Hand in hand we go watching the sunset
And in the glow of your bright eyes. Watching myself laughing in your pupils
And your special smile killing me softly.  

My gorgeous sweetheart 
 I know that I have found my perfect soulmate in you
Because I love you so much
Even when you're this far
Your love is New in my heart everyday.
And there's a special place for you and me.
Together in my heart we'll be..
....Till Eternity!

My arm is called the epic list
Displaying the anthems of my life
One by one

I've lived these moments
Heard the music loud and clear
These melodies will forever live
In the basement of my brain

Falling into the depth of my mind
I dig it up with my hand
Revealing the traffic

I'm addicted to the melancholy
No matter where I travel
We all carry a bag

I've lived these moments
Heard the music loud and clear
These melodies will forever live
In the basement of my brain

-AJT

I drive and drive and drive
Down this dimly lit road everyday
My tires anxiously roll down the poorly paved asphalt

I never know what’s ahead of me until it’s arrived
And when it does, I steer through and around the perilous obstacles
Obstacles that never seem to cease or give me a break

Fear is constantly in my ear, pleading for me to pull over
But there has to be light at the end of this dim dim road
So I drive and drive and drive

Right now bright sunshine blinds us to the sense
That we all live in a nebulous mist of uncertainty
Only knowing that eventually everyone Dies
After witnessing the miraculous wonder of Existence.

Eternal Infinity is impossible
Yet so too are finite boundaries
That only last for seconds.

There must be an Ultimate, All Powerful, Supremely Intelligent Being
Somewhere
We would think.
But is that possible in an Infinite Eternity?
And would any such being really be Omni Everything?

So we soldier on
Keeping ourselves amused.
Watching out for any clues
As to what this is all about.

Paul Butters

© PB 26\12\2022.