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My head was pounding,
The world was spinning.
I can't see my surrounding,
Pain is only beginning.

I could hear your voice,
You were weeping and crying.
In the background noise,
I could hear the medics trying.

The silence is creeping,
A sleep I can't escape.
My eyes were falling,
My vision full of shapes.

I'm sorry I didn't make it for you,
Hope you can find someone new.
Oh Darling, there are two sides to me.
There's the side that is strong, soft, courteous and loving,
And another side that I never want you to see.

It's not distinguished by internal and external.
It's not a split personality.
Inside, there are two voices,
Arguing, daily.

For description's sake, I'll name them both.
I'll call the side that you know, Bright.
And the side you don't, Dark.
You'll understand the name choice with a little more insight.

Inside me they're in constant battle.
They hijack my every thought.
They agree on most things, usually.
But, on this, they're caught.

Bright is the one to sit back,
And smile no matter how much she's in pain.
While Dark stands up and speaks out.
Most of what she does is all in vain.

Bright feels tears swell up, and a lump form in her throat.
Her hands begin to tremble, and she can feel her heart ache.
While Dark is gulping angrily, and is clenching her fists.
She is embarrassed of her weakness. She refuses to let her heart break.

Dark is considering her options.
She analyzes all she knows.
While Bright is putting on a brave face.
But her pain is so strong, it shows.

You wrap your arm around me,
And Dark starts to go off in a rant.
She says; “Bright, come on, you know better!”
Bright shakes her head and says; “I can't.”

Dark is so infuriated, she begins to tear herself apart.
She is reckless. She doesn't think. She just goes straight for her heart.

Bright tries to calm Dark with soothing words of care.
But it proves difficult to find any, when there aren't any there.

Dark lets out an evil laughter that bounces round inside.
Bright becomes so afraid she searches for a safe place to hide.

Your fingers drum gently on my rib cage,
And your image fills up my mind.
Bright steps out into the open,
With this incredible, golden find.

She says; “Dark he loves me. He's the one for me in life.”
Dark does not interrupt Bright, but instead just shakes her head.
“You're a foolish girl, Bright. Do you know that?”
From Bright, not another word is said.

“Bright, what has happened to you?
Can you not see him in that state?
How low have you let yourself fallen,
To allow yourself to love the thing you hate?”

No response comes from Bright now,
Dark can see she has become numb.
Nevertheless, she continues talking.
As your fingers continue to beat me like a drum.

The tensions swiftly rising as Dark continues on.
She tells Bright of all her stupid wishes, wants and dreams,
And how she has given up on all of them.
Dark is right, it seems.

The tears in Bright's eyes glisten,
And her heart is slowly beginning to drop.
She's become so numb inside now,
She can't even tell Dark to stop.

Just as I begin to say my own little piece,
Another voice cuts in with something better to say.
Dark shakes her head again and says;
“Come on, Bright, give me one good reason to stay?”

Bright just stands there looking helpless.
Tears begin to throb beneath her skin.
Dark feels no mercy.
To her, this is a win.

Dark takes full control of me.
As Bright has no choice but to step back.
Dark is stronger than Bright,
Fuelled by emotions Bright does lack.

The vision that was once distorted,
By the tears Bright brought to my eyes,
Is cleared up in an instant,
As Dark happily says her goodbyes.

Goodbye to your beautiful face,
And your wonderful mind and heart.
Goodbye to your open arms,
That have held me up since the start.

Goodbye to your great smile,
That special one, just for me.
Goodbye to all our memories,
And to the future we'll never see.

Bright takes her position beside Dark,
To join in with the farewell.
She decided she can no longer fight Dark.
But this is something she doesn't tell.

As I take a final look around me,
I think about the past year.
I think of all the things I could have done,
And all the places I could have been instead of here.

Regret dominates me.
Even Bright can feel it now.
Dark urges me to leave as quick as I can.
But I'm still trying to figure out how.

What excuse could I possibly make up?
And where on Earth am I going to go?
What are they all going to think of me?
My heart's beating so fast, I fear it may blow.

You look concerned as you ask me if I'm okay.
I smile and say; “Yeh, of course I am” in my best disguise.
Dark knows you're content with my answer.
But Bright hopes you can see the truth within my eyes.

You continue your jolly conversation,
With everyone else around us.
Bright can see who you truly are now,
And she doesn't make a fuss.

You whisper a soft 'I love you.'
And Bright stays silent as I say it too.
She dreams of an alternative world,
Where the words you've said are true.

Bright's heart shatters like a glass,
As I finally build up the courage to go.
But just as I'm beginning to take to my feet,
Inside, Dark is screaming; “No!”
7 September 2015

© All Rights Reserved Joanne Heraghty
-

you haven't answered my calls in a few days
it shouldn't mean so much
but when the phone line lay empty,
i told the trees all about you through my tears
i left out the part where i said 'i love you' first
because i still pretend it was you

the moon listened when the trees went to sleep
and i asked her if she could keep a secret
she said she could, but i know she told the stars anyway
i whispered real quiet, so the wind couldn't carry it too far away

i'd love you, even if you broke me
-

my teary blue eyes
Where we the shining star that burned out so quickly

Or did we become too bright for the world to dim our light

You're the flame in me that died out so fast
I feel lost, I need to find myself again
Ohh I thought it was love,
All the time you'd look into my eyes
All the times we spent under the sheets,
All the time we spent hand in hands on the street,
Laughing at all our jokes,

I thought it was love,
When you'd tell me how beautiful I looked,
All the time you'd hold me close,
Promising never to let go,
All the time you'd tell me the world was ours,

I thought it was love,
When you told me the world was ours to live,
When you'd let me run and you'd catch me,
All the time you'd hold me and never let me go.

Ohh I thought it was love, alas I was only being a fool.
I know it doesn't have the ending I'd wish it had but I miss you everyday
There was an angel who fell from the sky
And I mended his broken wings
But it pained me so
When he had to leave
He blessed me goodbye
And kissed me on the cheek
And promised that
He’d come back for me
a late-night written poem
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