Sitting silently,
He sits and stares at his phone,
Shifting slightly,
He doesn't look up from his phone,
Coughing quietly,
He ignores me and looks at his phone,
A little louder,
He stays there slowly reading his phone,
Groaning with the pain,
He still remains there silently checking his phone,
Starting to bleed,
He raises an eyebrow at the screen of his phone that he studies so intently.
Feeling faint,
He sighs and looks at the clock before looking back down at the obviously intriguing phone in his hand.
Skin pale, vision blurred,
He chuckles to himself and takes a sip from the half-empty cup of tea at his side and scrolls with a single finger on the screen of his phone.
My voice is weak as I call out,
"Dad..."
For the last time the blade glides over my wrist.
He stares at his phone.

im sorry john. i wonder if youre still there. i hope you didnt do it. you were really awesome. i really, honestly care for you. i know what it feels like and im so sorry. im really sorry john. i hope youre still there.

title then poem.
begin

fists clinched
my thumb hurts
my leg needs to be stretched
oh and I should throw this away

what is she doing?
does she know my hurt
my pain
my death inside?

I thought I told her!
she wants to see things casual
she wants to see things easy
well as long as I am this way
you have to deal with it

I slouch
I sit up
tension I can not get rid of

My eyes wonder to the outside
to avoid her
when the hell?
hell will I let go?
what must I do?

my thumb has been hurting
why I don't know
It shakes too
but I don't know

I thought I told her.
why must I see her this often?
it is as if she is ignoring it
she wants things back to "normal"
she wants things casual
casual, ha

she eats her sandwich and laughs
as if nothing has happened

she looks to my eyes for a smile
for any sign of change,
of letting go

the other one sits quietly
I wonder how much she knows
I wonder if she cares
at least she and I are comfortable with each other
thank God she is there
I can not think of the torture that
would be if it were just the first and I

I look to the cars
which could easily **** me
if I took but one "wrong" step

what words can I shout to
describe the pain that I inflict
upon myself?
why do I harm myself?
why do I hold on to that which is killing me?

you would think it would be easy to
pick off a leach from your lower leg
instead of watching it get bigger and bigger
what is it doing for me?

this is a parasitic relationship
not a mutual benefiting one
I need baking soda or something
I think I have some in the kitchen

if not a leach that I can take off, albeit painful
some of this must be on me
not thirty minutes can I go without getting distracted
it's never been like this

I can't wait to see if it gets worse.
that will be fun lol
I just can't wait

"I sing because You are good
because You are good to me."
ok fine

I said I would be more thankful
and I am, but I am impatient

I go to beer to escape that which is inescapable
and then regret it
and then regret ever meeting her
and then regret that I regret
will I even graduate?

this poem is useless
I don't know the first thing about myself

at least God knows me better than I do
better than I will ever know

at least He is on my side
He will help me.
won't He?

a lone star
stuck between galaxies,

                                                                                      watches the other stars
                                                                    wishing for a super nova to pass
                                                                     waiting for its chance to impress

as who can be impressed by the shine,
if nobody can see it?

                                                                                            maybe they can see
                                                                                     they just want to ignore
                                                                                             they ignore the last
                                                                                      glimmer of personality

the universe is never ending,
but forever this star is alone,
trying to impress, those who
can’t see, the hopeless
glimmer that wishes to be a shine
but that doesn’t want to be

annoying.

Here we go again
Not a single word in sight
No attempt at contact
Did I do something wrong?
Or are you ignoring me
Am I too clingy for you?
I don't believe a simple "Hello"
Every once in a while
Is considered too much
Maybe you're busy
And I'm overreacting
I can't help
But to worry myself sick
All these what if scenarios
Only to conclude you are alright
The sun resets itself
Leaving us another cyclical day
Of worry and ignorance

The lights suddenly glimmered,
And all the faces shone,
All the beauty appeared,
In all directions.

But there was one corner,
Where the darkness still remained,
And the shadows of people,
Hid the corner more,
And with it, a person,
Slouched against the wall,
Stood there behind the shadows,
Giving up to stay tall.

No one saw her,
But she saw everything,
The lady in the fur,
Was talking stuff about her,
She tried to reach out for the lady,
But her skin burnt,
The moment she stepped out,
Of her corner.

Wasn't ignorance enough for her?
Or does she still have to stay in the shade?

Everyone passed beside her,
But no one noticed the thin shape,
Struggling to get out,
Get out of the gloom,
She lives in.

The lights went out,
And everything reappeared,
Clearer than ever,
And they finally noticed,
The blood that smeared,
Out of her heart,
They finnaly noticed all the wounds,
But like always,
When the lights came up again,
They just turned away,
And walked back in their path.

Ignore the hurt.
Ignore the pain.
Ignore the pictures.
Throw them away.

Ignore the emptiness you feel.
Just tell yourself, "it isn't real."
Maybe if you just ignore
your shattered heart upon the floor
then maybe you can just pretend
that you never lost a friend.