It’s my fault
I shouldn’t have found meaning in anything
I shouldn’t have believed any of your words that could implant hope
I shouldn’t have thought that you driving two hours to pick me up meant anything
I shouldn’t have seen any significance in your kiss
I shouldn’t have believed that sleeping together meant something
I shouldn’t have thought that you holding my hand meant anything
I shouldn’t have thought your telling me a happy ending to a story similar to ours meant love.
I shouldn’t have hoped that you would defy the world around us
I shouldn’t have trusted your words that said I was the only one you wanted to see
I shouldn’t have believed your honest eyes
I shouldn’t have thought you meant it when you said you missed me
I shouldn’t have been surprised when you ignored me
I shouldn’t have done any of these things
And I knew better
But it doesn’t change that my heart is breaking worthy of the Richter scale
And I shouldn’t let my world crumble before me, but
This feels like a force of nature under which I will be crushed.

The
Silence
Is
Killing
Me
One
Body
Shutter
At
A
Time

There is no cure for the
Gravity and the calamity
Of the situation at hand.
Entropy demands to be
Noticed, and chaos pines
To be felt.
“I will not be ignored.”

*(r.e.)

I love the way he types and the way he uses punctuation in a form that makes it so I can read everything in his voice.
and when we talk he leaves his walking stick at home, he keeps his coat off. the last one had his hood up before i even opened my mouth.
he is superior, he is mature in the childlike sense; he wants to be so. I want to believe that he is.
a long time has passed since I've written a poem about anyone else but that last one. you can't really call this a poem, though. it's more of a disorganized string of thoughts. it is a compilation of my strong but contradicting feelings for a person who I was warned would want to be more than an stranger, more than an acquaintance, more than a friend. but I don't like warnings, I never have. I decided to make my own decisions and in doing so created my own problems.
He runs to help me in shoes that are too big, probably his father's. I have no expectations and no inhibitions; he brings me a band-aid and I love him back, until the last wave of jovial companionship passes.

I didn't understand
because I thought it didn't apply
to
me

The disapproval that comes
subtly but surely
from the woman
who raised you

And in so many ways
Because of the person
I have grown to
be

Because I didnt become a replica
Because I didnt fall a slave
to every
silly idea or claim that bled

From her fangs.
I'm not sorry
however
for setting my own morals

For finding a part of myself
That I could not
change
I am not sorry

For growing to be the Hercules
to your
Hades
I am not

Sorry

For being the one to find and point out
the wrong
the wrong
In ever claim of your


**"Right"

Please, do not love me.
Humbly I request thee.
I cannot live in stony part.
I can't reside in your heart.

Please, do not hate me.
Humbly I request thee.
I can't live with Satan unkind.
I cannot stay in your mind.

Please, just ignore me.
Humbly I request thee.
From the cage of your heart;
And mind set me free.

One more
One more cigarette
One more dream
I can only fiddle with my hands
The paper is frail and rolled between my fingers
The dead skin around my nails and the words permanent on my heart
One more
One more time to reach the end of the cherry road
Can we have a proper goodbye?
You make your decisions with lips
Lips that faded into my skin
They left with sins
One more
One more world to open my eyes too
I can ignore the pain for so long
Before the paper falls from the fingertips
And into my reflection in the water.

One more
One more truth so I can be free.