My eyes disconnect from my fingers
Mind from my body on the screen
And lingers
With the walking stick limp
That taps along the concrete
His scraggly white beard blowing in the wind
I saw the old man earlier in the street
I held my hand up to the light
To see if it was fake

Watched the old woman pass
With her brown paper bag
Rip and tear
Assortments spraying like paint
Vulture children swooping down in a rush to eat
Minds so full of hate
Confusion in every eye that sees
I wonder why I bother
Oh my mind is slipping away
My guard is down
Glued to my chair
Pulling out my hair
And there is
So much to choose from
So much
To be done
Here
This is not an exit
And you have not won

One night, Death came to visit me and I
Offered him a cup of tea.
He sat gracefully in a fragile chair
That had only ever known my
Grandmother
And said:
      "Young sir,
Have you anything with pomegranate?
      I find that it
traps more of the flavor."

I stood up--my hands trembling enough to cause an earthquake--
And fetched Death a cup
Of the oxblood fruit.
I tried to give Death the cup, my hands as bad as a scared tightope walker;
he
                  Refused.
And instead insisted I drink it.
(I didn't have the guts to tell him I hated pomegranate)
In the same instant my lips touched the hot crimson water,
A zipper opened across the face of death.

"Now, I have you."

You taught me things I never wanted to know.
You made me so happy, yet so sad.
You filled me with sorrow and taught me there was no hope,
Then you gave me something to laugh at so I'd forget about it,
About everything.
Every word I read, every breathe I took with you, was a gift and a curse.
You've torn me down and built me back up so many times I've lost count.

Yet I still love you, Oh how I love you.
Without you I am lost,
No followers, no one to talk to when I'm lonely,
No one to cheer me up when I'm sad.
Just an empty, gaping hole inside of me where you used to be.

I hate you for it,
How dependent I am, how I can't see the good in the world,
How you make me procrastinate and how you make me lose my friends.
I hate you, because I can't function without you.

So today I'll say NO, and tomorrow I'll say YES.
But in my heart you'll always be a bittersweet thing.
So many good memories, and an equal amount of bad,
Something to love that makes me sad.
Something to hate cause I didn't want to know.
Somethings were never meant to be shown.

I only wanted to reach out
but how am I suppose to melt those metallic
walls of yours when you even put up
thousands of locks on it?
If there is anyone who understands you
most, it is me but you can't see.
The fact that I am very different from before
than now makes you think that I can never
understand you when the truth is that you
were those who changed me.
I want you to see your own reflection in me.
I want to bring out the best in you.

But I guess I have tried and I failed.
I don't know what to do for you anymore for I
have done my job and failed shamelessly...

I am sorry for even trying...
It was indeed a big mistake...

You can never really persuade others to believe
when too much lies are already circling around them, can't you?