My body's like a telegram, but nobody is listening to each other. Stop. The voices in my head won't let me think or express all I can hear is endless screaming as if an entire civilization is burning to the ground inside my synapses but no, its just me, only me. Stop. The words are whirling and winding down the rabbit hole and I don't know why or what I'm feeling but it won't go away I try so hard and it sits here, heavy, on my chest like a monster. Stop. Its not even sitting, no its burrowing itself into me, laying eggs, creating a colony of pain and anger and sadness that I can't push away. Stop. My fingers dig into my skin and my tears beg for reckoning, but I am fully aware there's not much I can do, I fought all day and here it is, taking up residence within me. Stop. Everything within me is fighting against me, my basic human nature is gone and all the instincts are dangerous impulses to hate, punish, ****** every cell within me. Stop. I want to learn how to deal with this and I want to get help but the universe seems to be against me and with every tick of my fingers it hurts all the more. Stop. They're inside they're everywhere, they're pulling on my hair and it all hurts and I don't know why and I have no one to blame but I just want it all to stop. Stop. Make it stop. Stop. I don't want this I hate it if I could stop I would but I can't make it, it won't let me and I hate it hate it stop please go away I don't want any of this. STOP. I think I get better I try everything I work hard I do things all day then it just creeps in and eats me and consumes my soul and I can't feel who I am anymore and I hate this monster I don't want it make it stop I hate it I hate it. STOP. STOP. STOP.
But I'm so afraid it never will. Stop.
