I twist around the aches in my heart
Dodging and skipping past
The three little things that tear me apart
I feel guilty with every smile
And every time I laugh
My sides burn like I walked a mile
Not even in my own shoes
And I'm so tired,
But there's nothing more I can do
I've tried, so many times
Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep at night
Those faces flash through my mind
And I can't even tell
If it's a dream or a nightmare
Not even sure anymore
If they even want me there
Or if they even remember my face
But he keeps playing this game
Acting like I'm the one
All in a rage
Yet, he's the one turning them to pawns
And every morning
About the break of dawn
I wake up and for just one moment
I forget that they're not here
And then it finally hits me
With a steady flow of tears
Thinking back to all the years
They were constantly by my side
And now I just wanna hide
Bury myself inside my mind
Let my death by broken heart
Take its sweet, slow time

Why did you have to go,
Why did you have to cause me so much sorrow?
I thought we had really gotten far,
Then you drove away with her in the car.
Why did you have to leave me all alone?
I guess I'll never know.

My body's like a telegram, but nobody is listening to each other. Stop. The voices in my head won't let me think or express all I can hear is endless screaming as if an entire civilization is burning to the ground inside my synapses but no, its just me, only me. Stop. The words are whirling and winding down the rabbit hole and I don't know why or what I'm feeling but it won't go away I try so hard and it sits here, heavy, on my chest like a monster. Stop. Its not even sitting, no its burrowing itself into me, laying eggs, creating a colony of pain and anger and sadness that I can't push away. Stop. My fingers dig into my skin and my tears beg for reckoning, but I am fully aware there's not much I can do, I fought all day and here it is, taking up residence within me. Stop. Everything within me is fighting against me, my basic human nature is gone and all the instincts are dangerous impulses to hate, punish, ****** every cell within me. Stop. I want to learn how to deal with this and I want to get help but the universe seems to be against me and with every tick of my fingers it hurts all the more. Stop. They're inside they're everywhere, they're pulling on my hair and it all hurts and I don't know why and I have no one to blame but I just want it all to stop. Stop. Make it stop. Stop. I don't want this I hate it if I could stop I would but I can't make it, it won't let me and I hate it hate it stop please go away I don't want any of this. STOP. I think I get better I try everything I work hard I do things all day then it just creeps in and eats me and consumes my soul and I can't feel who I am anymore and I hate this monster I don't want it make it stop I hate it I hate it. STOP. STOP. STOP.

But I'm so afraid it never will. Stop.

It hurts.
It hurts so much to see you in the halls
to see those piercing eyes and gorgeous smile
directed at her.

It still hurts..
How do you forget
the thing that crushed your heart?
The pain is still there,
haunting me.
It goes away,
but it always come back.

and it still hurts the same way it hurt before

Bella,
My sweet bella

The one who makes me feel like my whole body hurts because I miss her
It's too much
I miss those nights, the ones with the moon by our side
How our drunkness made us close
I never thought someone I've seen six times would mean so much to me
I need your presence, I'm broken
I need someone
I need someone with whom to share my ***** in a bottle mixes with gatorade
I need that sausage smell
I'm writing this while being ******
But my dear Bella, you mean the world to me and I never thought someone would become as important as you have
It's like you put the stars in the skies
I need you to have someone to drown my sorrows in a bottle with. I miss you
But I know sometime, soon
I'll get drunk and do fun stuff with you
Nothing seems fun without you, you might be the missing piece
but Dear Bella, wait for me, as the sun waits to rest when sunset comes. I love you as much as a cherry blossom tree loves it's beautiful flowers that just bloomed

Cigarettes have always been there for me,
Ups and downs in this lifetime, its a habit.
But then you came along, with your warmth and soul,
Kick out my habits just to be with you.
But then came along something,
You were pressing against someone new.
All the promises seem fake,
Wish i could forget it,
Now i walk alone in the rain,
With only a cig lit on my lips.

Everyone is wrong,
even me
there is only one
right,  he's three

In a world
full of falsehoods
ignoring the double edged
Truth

Instead of masking
my shortcomings
I'd rather bleed
as I read

Grant me Courage
Love,  and Understanding