Someday you are going to regret
The things you did
The words you said
& how you left !

Someday you are going to regret
The promises you broke
The tears you gave
The mistakes you made

Someday you are going to regret
The fantasies you shattered
The heartache you gave
The pain you awake

Someday you are going to regret
The scars you gave to someone's heart
The burden you left on someone's chest
& how you left.

I’m here again,
in all the intersections she kissed me in -
there hands on the steering wheel, one of them is not mine and she is holding me so tightly -
I don’t know how I got here but I don’t want to leave
I’m on the freeway, seventy-five miles an hour, her fingers between mine - breaking my bones in the sweetest way possible
seventy five miles
we were a part of each other for seventy-five days,
she kisses me hard, my eyes closed
and we surpass eighty
breaking ninety,
my heart is breaking ninety miles an hour
why didn't she love me the way she kissed me,
why couldn't she love me as much as I did, her
why didn't she stay for the way my heart was breaking
I loved her endlessly, I loved her hard
I’m here again,
in her bed -
our words are floating above our heads -
our heads,
who is she here with?
this isn't me she’s kissing,
I pray to the god of out of body experiences but he doesn't pinch me back into a reality
where I am in bed with her again,
this is being chained against the wall as she kisses another man,
this is watching through invisible walls as the one you love, loves another - pretending like you don't exist
do I exist?
please tell me I’m not living if I am not part of this world, part of her world
part of toothpaste kisses before tripping down the stairs to seven a.m city noise, and feeling her fingers touching me, breaking my world into pieces - she broke my world to shards
this is not piecing yourself back together, this is bottle through a stained glass window broken - I cannot pick up these pieces to save my life why won’t she come back
I am here again,
I do not want to be here -
please tell me this is in my head,
please tell me I am not living

i was drowning in your galaxies of blue.
blue so pale- like your    e   y   e  s
when i swore i could feel them on me but
you weren't there.
i was drowning in your galaxies
in which the stars would shine
shine bright / bright light / bright white light / pale bright white light-
not like printer paper in the sun
more like the pigment of your skin
in the moonlight.

i didn't mind. drowning didn't seem
so bad.
because even though i felt awful and sad, i
also felt loved,
and that was so very pretty to me
as a poet. as a lonely star amidst
constellations.

you almost said the "l" word
a total of (probably) seven times in the five
long-short months that
we were almost lovers.
i actually said the "l" word
a total of five times.
twice as a half joke, hoping you'd pick up
where i slacked in clarity but never
in sincerity
and three times (thrice) in my goodbye
in which i beheld these self-evident truths:

that the almost (always almost) meant
that we could never be lovers
and i thought that i'd prefer us to be nothing to each
other but maybe friends.

(maybe, maybe, maybes make me want to wish on stars
but not the ones in your eyes)

and although time flies
i'm still somehow drowning in your galaxies
of blue.

and i wonder if its killing me
slowly
as your stars blink
and i'm gone
when they open their eyes.
*almost.

Silent
Ever expanding darkness
Nothingness surrounds my thoughts
When concerned with you
The darkness turns to fire
My skin bubbles and burns
Every horrible possibility comes to life
Playing behind my eyes
Tearing my insides to shreds
Over happenings yet to happen
Morbid days pass
With thoughts so painful
My color drains
The sky's stay so gray
Everyday all the feelings drain away
Replaced with pain
A constricting heart
Breathing hurts
My blood runs cold
Shut off from rational thoughts
My mind wonders to all thoughts grim
Silent ever expanding darkness
Turns to nothingness

'let's find love to live for'

that's what you said.
and i thought you meant me
why was i how could i so stupid
didn't you know?

'you were what i lived for'

it was real.
i know it was
you felt it, and i did too
at the same time it wasn't

so why does it hurt so much
we never spoke about it
but other people did
and we knew it

was i not good enough
don't tell me it's about a number
that never stopped you before
so why her and not me

and what hurts even more
is i have to pretend to be happy for you
i have to convince myself
'if you love him, let him go'

and i want to, i really do
but there was a time when
i wanted you so bad
and i still do

why you gotta hurt me this way?

Time to move on
The feelings are too strong
The bond is stronger
And our voices together in laughter like soft summer rain...

I want to leave
I want to be alive again
In your soft lips I drown in thought
Your eyes pierce straight into mine
But this is all a lie

While I struggle to scratch you out
You think of her
Then you close your eyes
Kiss me
Touch me
In your mind I'm her

But I'm not
I am me
Can't you see?
I'm done with us
...just for now