what to do when you committed yourself to someone who won’t commit themselves to you?
they never loved you the way you loved them
maybe they don’t even deserve the way you loved them
saying that makes your heart hurt though,

how to look right at the face of the one who crushed your heart
and not want the entire world for them
how to stop wishing they’d be okay
that they would be happy again

how to stop wishing for the past
when they giggled and smiled and said “it’s because of you”

how to forget the tone in their voice when they said “i love you too”

How

if you figure it out write it down on a paper and send it to me too

words i need to know more than i need her to be true

the thought of another human
falling wholeheartedly in love with me
is absolutely terrifying
because that would mean they would accept me, all of me
all of my beliefs, and faults, and strenghts, and weaknesses
me as a being and as a whole
they would see and look at and accept
and yet throughout all of that they would still love me

the concept of that i will never be able to accept
because there is a lot of me
there is a lot of personality, and thought, and being that goes into being me
i'm a human
and i'm a mess majority of the time
so why would someone look at me and talk to me
and thinks "wow, i absolutely love her"

and what makes it terrifying most to me
is that this human would first have to see the true me
the rough, over thinking, exhausted, emotionally inept me
they will see every inch of my soul and my existence
and they will see that not everything is exactly as i present it

and that is what is most shocking about it
to know that someone i absolutely adore does the same to me
throughout everything that i am
they still love me and accept me

I want to lick
Your disappointment

Taste your bitter

The echo of your mistakes rippling like the wake of water from a single drop of rain. One after the other you see the pain. Knowing the things you did the things you said have brought you to now and now you see how

what happened to you
who hurt you
who made you feel so down on yourself
that you took me down with you

what happened to you
to the boy I was best friends with
and trusted my life with
where did you go

what happened to you
why do you think
it is okay
to make my happiness feel so **** wrong

what happened to the boy
who was always excited to hear about my day
and the things that made me happy
that made me smile and laugh

what happened to you
and our bond
where did it go
why did it go
how did it go
when did it go

I'm sorry for breaking your heart
for finding someone
who makes me overly happy
and who makes me laugh
and smile
and keeps me up at night with thoughts of them

I'm sorry for not loving you
for being there for you always
comforting you
keeping you here
alive
and well

but I lied, I am not sorry for being happy
I will never be sorry for being happy
I just wish that you
could find it in you
to get over me
and find your happy