My anxiety holds me hostage in my own body
It covers my mouth with lies
And holds my hands down with worries
I deserve better I think.

you pulse through my skin

you spill out of my eyes

you grow inside my lungs

you strain my movements

you lock yourself against my chest

Knife to my neck,
He licked the tears off me.

I'd always been afraid of becoming addicted to drugs.
The kinds that will keep you hostage after just one use.
But nobody ever warned me about becoming addicted to a person.
The kind that keep you hostage after just one kiss.
I remember everywhere we would go, you always had to be touching me.
Drawing small circles on the palms of my hands.
Playing with the ends of my hair.
Hugging me.
Kissing me.
Hurting me.
I became so accustomed to your hands on my body that every time you left I felt like I was going through withdrawls.
So even after the third blow
And even after me screaming at you to leave
I would tell you to please just hit me one more time
Because i'd rather feel your hands inflicting pain on my body than not feel them at all.
But yet I would always tell myself,
I'm not addicted
And I don't need you
And this is the last time
And despite every wave of insecurity crashing down on my mind, one small thought stays afloat;
I cannot survive without you.
So where was my warning sign
My caution content is highly addictive sign
My run like hell in the opposite direction sign
My no amount of bread and wine can heal this pain sign
And jesus christ there is so much pain.
I'd always been afraid of becoming addicted to drugs.
The kinds that will keep you hostage after just one use.
But look at me now
****** and ******* have got nothing on me
I'm addicted to the newest drug and it's called losing your self worth.
Its called choking on any small shred of confidence you have left.
Its called hating the person who lives inside of your skin because they most certainly are not you.
But nobody ever warned me about becoming addicted to a person.

I was held hostage
By a white man in uniform
Wasn't a policeman, private security
He wore his gun on his belt, seemed nice
Approaches me in the night
Approaches me who is minding my own
He's talking to me, but I have no where to go
I can't run, I can't leave, I'm stuck
He's talking to me, about life
Talking about how he hates paying taxes
Talking about how he works for his own
His words are acid, an ignorant eruption
I have to bare this, I can't risk it
I do not dare. I do not dare risk it.
To tell this man to leave, this white man
With a gun, in uniform, patroling
Maintaining the peace.
My heart is racing, I want to escape
But I'm his hostage, socially bound
To the mercy of this white man and his gun.

Memories
can keep you hostage
to inaccurate and painful illusion

No. 1

there is a pane of glass
which now occupies the air between us

an indifferent arrow has flown through it
leaving a web of cracks

for which I am trapped
reaching for you

No. 2

the light you bend reaches across room
the same distance travels your voice

it makes me a ghost not to touch you with all that I am
exhaling wanting in your direction

as stars are brought down over head
by the weight of unfulfilled wishes

No. 3

victim to a whisper
pious to an echo

tomorrow I'll be swallowed
I didn't even need a name

lost and unwanted things are entitled
to each other so long as they don't hide

no. 4

it's an open hand
it's a broken window

it's a perpetually naive sky
it's off beat but we're out of line

and I'm waiting for you
one hundred percent of the time

no. 5

out of context
misshapened in parallax

past my expiration date
but you looked at me in a way that dared both of us to exist

when all this is dust
the loudest we'll ever get to be is a secret