Loneliness is expensive
Maybe if I get this, I’ll be better
No, let me buy dinner
Here take my eyes, my smile, my dignity I don’t need it

Nights are the worst
Regrettably, I am still getting used this
The exquisite warmth replaced by a cold wall at my side

I feel like I am jumping from freight cars
Traveling to I don’t know where
But I tell myself
Wherever will be better
Convincing.

You were beautiful
I sat in your sky and polished your glisten and shine
I became addicted to your sweetness
But snakes do not give honey

I am just a bruise now
Wake up
Ow that hurts
Climb out of bed
**** that hurts
Walk out of the door
**** it hurts

There is a moth outside of my window
He flutters on the glass
Drawn to the soft light through a lampshade
He doesn’t know
The light is beautiful
But the heat of the bulb will hurt him if he gets close enough to touch it
Its okay
I am like you too

The brisk winds numb my paled skin.

As I walk through the desolation,
my feet fall into the sunken path.

Shadows of trees encapsulate me.

In this world devoid of color,
I look
up
to
the sky
in hopes of pastels.

Yet
I see not a cloud in the sky
nor a bird passing by.

For in this eternity,
all but I
have taken flight.

No amount of depression can change the past, and no amout of anxiety can help the **future.

Isn't it strange,
How the people who keep you alive;
The people who make life worth living,
Are the very same people who will drive you to the edge?

//I used to think loving you was a distraction from the anxiety and the sadness,
But I guess loving you was the very source from where that sadness and anxiety came from.//

Sometimes
I just lay in bed
Wrapped in blankets
Wishing my heart was warmer
Brighter, easier to care about
The dreamer in me is dying
There is no magic strong enough
To dispel this despair
As small rivulets of hope leak out
Each drop a tiny crystal wish
That will never come true

If there is no point
Then
Perhaps
I will take
The meandering path
And
Perhaps
I will double back
To the gray matter house
Despite how far I made it
Today
Yesterday
A month ago
A year ago
I always come back
Perhaps
I will stay there
This time
Make it home
Quietly waste away
As energy leaks out
And effort is exhausted
Time flies by
And I will sleep
To my tired heart's content.