The demons in my head
only fuel
my passion to write.

My safe haven
from everything
that sets me apart
from this life.

Three storeys high, and I can't believe
You told a lie, and now it all seems
Like we were not, even buddies
But you were shocked with what I revealed

Was it necessary to put on a show
Did you have to tell the whole world
You couldn't have done it on accident
Instead when we made up, you stabbed me again

And they might never wanna be by me
And they might always wanna taunt me
And they might never care again
If I fall, from a cliff, and I'm hanging on

Walking in a place, barely remembering to save grace
It was just another dream, that I'm in
And why oh why, would you even try
Are you unhappy with me, tell me
It doesn't regard all these whispers behind faces
They're just faceless robots
Trying to tear my heart out and replace
All the courage I got

It's Tuesday, I gave what you want
And today, you said what you wanted
And tomorrow, I never thought of getting
A text from you saying

Why would you, ever wanna pick on me
When I'm just an innocent little boy
Are you bored, or is this a joke again
Oh my word, can't you grow up even

Take your last steps before you fall down
I was there when they gave you your crown
This might have been the last time
Coz everybody might have believed you, this time

Do you think I care, do you think I lost
The thing is that I don't, think that you won
I might have been scratched up when you said it
Scratched up when I heard them laugh at me
But I still got what I want
And I'm gonna be it
And I just wanted to help you
But you turned me down
And we put it past us
At least I thought we did
But you went and escaped the secret
You were lying to me when you said sorry
This might have been your own democracy
The one I don't believe in
Could've been your true blessing
Guess it was no denying
Just let it be...

Awaiting the day,
I can freely express myself,
Insecurities and all,
Without being made to feel guilty,
For feeling that way.

You,

With kindness and patient eyes,
soft of voice and friend by choice, I,

bear the loss of a faded truth between trembling fingers.

Offer them in fear of losing sight of the light,
which cascades from your soul, bubbling gold, shimmering in the gleam of a honey flavored grace,

Barren from a battle fought inwardly,
with the good and bad of me,
the weeping and shouts for joy, in between

         all jagged encounters.

Now, the failed attempts of a dusted dream remain in grid iron cages, fed scraps of a nibbled honesty.

Henceforth, arise
     
       the half baked truth.

Bring about, the nightmare

     dreamt and breathless, frightened and alone.

Release the growling things you were born with. There is a savage sort of joy when the wound drips crimson,
  when the moon hides it's holy eyes,
clouds and thunder amass near the crown of your head, lightning casts the only glimmer in love torn eyes.

A dull roar numbs the senses and savors this empty, this hollow,
    
         this fool. Who dared to care.

Find me knee-deep in saline waters,

as my loneliness howls at the moon,
as my chest heaves and icy winds breathe down my neck,
I succumb to the loss which leaks neath my ribcage.

I will beg every sort of evil to take my life to gift any sort of pain to lessen the one, which I am bound.

Forget the taste, of a mouth full of the words I am not yet ready to sharpen
  
   in the jaws of a sea bred love, I embrace the shadow of my joy. We smile a smile which never reaches the eyes.
Streams flow as the ache grows,
  
    it always grows.


We find ourselves sobbing,
amongst unfamiliar shoulders.


Gift it kisses and well wishes,
present the tears of a broken promise as though it were a most dangerous thing,
shivering at the hell, held within myself
Here I am,
    

       here I stay.


Awaiting my own forgiveness for letting it get this far,






Here is where I lose you.

I gave you everything...
you took me for granted but I stayed by your side....
Especially the times you needed me most..
.I trusted you... You ******* lied to...
.******* I just caught you again again an again..
I can't keep repeating this ****....
It's tearing me to shreds...
You broke me down...
Now there's nothing left...
you hurt me worse than anyone....
I just can't do this ****..
you chose what was more important to you..
now I'm saying its the end of you and me....
cuz I'm finally through.

"Go to your heart,
Don't speak from your head.
I heard that once
From a wise man" she said.

"Once I was shy
And I wanted to change,
So I was brave and spoke
And found my own voice again."

"So I like to be me,
I like to be honest and true
And live my own life
From a place of virtue."

"I stay in my heart
Or I try to at least!
I find there my faith
Finds its place to release."

"I learned to love " she said
"And live my life from this space,
I am here... right here,
And you can see my true face"

"And I will stay here" she said,
"I won't hide who I am
And if others don't like it
Well that speaks of them"

So she looked at me with
Her big, open eyes,
Which reflected to me
How I felt inside

And because she was there
And so honest and true,
It made me feel like
I could be too.

So I sat and spoke,
At how she had moved me
And how over the years
I have tried to redraw me

And we spoke and connected
And there was some magic there
And a softness inside
That was lovely to share.

So we finished our cake,
Hugged and walked in the air
And I wondered a little
If we'd be a pair?

If we'd discover something special
If we tried to learn together
Or if it's better to just enjoy
And not think of forever

Because meetings can be awesome
If you can let them go
And your life can be fuller
If you go with the flow.

So we parted... and met
And spoke a bit more,
About how magic can be
Just behind the door.

How life can be awesome
And full of holy mystery,
If you let your self be open
And guided by destiny.

So we parted - as friends,
Her heart felt like a feather;
Gentle and soft
But blown around by the weather

Perhaps we'll meet soon,
Perhaps not for a while
But it's been great to connect
If just with a smile.

True friends stab you in the front
And look you in the eye
While carefully twisting the knife
Hurting you just enough

With a vindictive friendliness
And vicious compassion
The gentlest way to betray
That’s what true friends are for

For any question you might ask
Who will answer more honestly
Are those who are wearing a mask;
Can answer anonymously.
One has to wonder as to why,
It would seem a contradiction.
For it seems the best time to lie
As there's no fear of detection.

But with no mask, no hiding place
The truth is people often lie
So brazenly, right to your face;
I often have to wonder why!
Though a most peculiar thing,
Perhaps there's no contradiction?
These people may just be lacking
The courage of their convictions.

"People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"* she said.

"Well" I said
Maybe I don't mind this glass house of mine being shattered, maybe that's the idea.

Maybe I'd prefer to be seen in all my transparency so you can no longer doubt or question me, cause maybe the glass that forms the walls of this cage isn't see through enough for me.

It fogs with the breath left from all those half truths and words I use to give you clues as to Who I am and Who I'm not.
The words that echo back to me creating so near, so far images of the me that I've forgot.

Maybe in that fog you're not the only one that can't see me properly.
I can't see out...looks frosty
I'm cold, yet I can't stand the heat
As this glass refracts light from gazes
Of spectators and haters pointing pointless fingers as they take a seat,
Insulates a rage in me!

"People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" she said

As if I couldn't take what was about to come.
As if to dismissively say
You're not ready yet
Don't let this cocoon you've
created come undone.
Giving me forewarning
so I could standstill and run.
Look at me!
I stand still but I run!

But Maybe I don't mind being homeless,
Maybe if I'm home less I'll feel home more in myself absent of barriers,
comforts and fears of wealth and worth
So I grit my teeth,
dig my feet into the earth

"People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" she said

As I hailed the first one at her 
Watched the crack spread
Across her face
Creating lace shapes
And split her head in two
As her image struggled to cling on
With every molton strand of sand
Left to her but she had no time left to seek
as she fell creating a mosaic of shards,
broken glass at my feet

Stepped over them

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones she said

Well I just did

Cause I helped raise this Glass House in fear

And I will knock down any monument to dictatorship