She's ugly but I want her.
The truth is , we all know a gal like that.
And the truth is a lot like that gal.

I am justly inadequate
no one knows my name
the strangers I pass by
all treat me just the same.
They never ask about my day
or if I feel okay,
we all look on in silence
repeating yesterday.

I am justly inadequate
I work hard to be not enough
my conscience is never heavy
but my heart isn't up to *****.
My hands are warm and loving,
callused, hard and rough,
a willing heart without a reason
just never has been enough.

I am justly inadequate
I stare out windows thinking that
if I could just be someone else
then I would get a chance
to be the man I could have been
but as I am, I know I can't.

I am justly inadequate
no one knows my name.
And every time I try to laugh
I can only muster shame.
I try to smile,
once in a while,
to trick the gloom away,
but I still know that I am
inadequate any day.

But I am not you
I could not understand
The shock barely believed you
Confessing his ***** hands

It rolled off like water from duck
And I think I have plumbed the depths
And gone the distance

But I am not you
I don't know what its like
To have been abused
For you to believe that you didn't fight
For all those years

Im not sorry I cant understand
Its a much much deeper remorse than that
Clutching at my hidden fears
But don't think that means we cant go there
Or that I will chicken out and leave you crushed behind
Never ever
Please begin to trust yourself and take my hand
And show me your strength
The ebbs and flows
You need to heal me into your pain
I am not you
You are beautiful
You are strong
You did fight
But the war is long
And here you are still on the front line
Never backing down
Advancing with time
Warrioress
For many years you were a soldier of truth in a battalion of one

I need a medic
My emotions have burst
Someone stretcher me off

Im not you
But im here in the trenches
Im not turning back
We're in this
We're buying time back

I didn't really craft these words
That's creepy
They are just the truth unfiltered
Im sorry there's no structure
But who would want to build a monster

Im not ashamed anymore of saying what I feel to you
I am becoming you
believe me

Can i say—
your absence is a relief. Your lack of response gives me nothing but comfort and i know, i will not see your name pop up just yet 'cause how can you reply to "im sorry i can't take the risk to jump so i vanished" and to "i'm sorry i opened the door but no, i'm not inviting you in" or to "i'm sorry but i'm just here to say sorry (and have no intention of 'fixing' you)" because i don't think my broken bones can lift the tools any longer.
I say yet because almost always you pop right back the last minute, trying. I hope this time would be the last.

It's sort of funny in the saddest way.
To find pieces of myself in a man that was never really a part of my life at all.
I wish I knew you well enough to have memories other than playing trivia at a table by the bar watching you stay well past last call.
Fighting with your wife over who would drive home.
Spending every other weekend you had with me staring at the bottom of empty bottles.
And slurring "I love you's" like I might believe them.
Isn't it all I ever wanted?
To be loved by you?
And does anything ever really change?
Can people really change?
You were sober for 5 years after you almost lost your life.
But now I keep waking up to drunk text messages.
Parallel to your drunken confessions in the middle of the night while six year old me tried to comfort you.
Biting my tongue and staring at the cieling fan so I wouldn't cry.
I don't have to hide the tears anymore because you're in another city and I won't ever tell you how bad you hurt me.
But Dad I keep letting men hurt me who tell me they love me at 2 am and I wish I didn't feel like it's because of you.

i kissed a girl
and i liked it.
no, i'm not weird.
i refuse to conform
or for you to label
me as inferior
for following my
heart.

i am not
some trophy
or prize to be
showcased
to inflate
your ego.

i am a human being
**** it.
and i demand to
be heard.

i don't always
cross my legs
when i sit.

i don't always shave
because i am a mammal
and mammals have hair
and that's okay

if i'm being honest
i'm tired of the sterotypes
of who you want me to be.

so i'm gonna be me.
like it or not,

i'm a human being
and i demand to be heard.