here i am again
reaching for hands
i am commanded not to hold
dreaming of just
a whisper of your touch
and again i ache
a hollow space in your shape

haunting everywhere i go
i try not to search for you
dreading my impending doom
the moment i catch
even a glimpse of your ghost
mocking my mortality
and yet possessing all of me

and god help me
because i cannot help it
a willing captive
fully at your mercy
and i am afraid for my being
because even ensnared
i wish not to escape you

blinded by your light
i mistake you for heaven
i am waiting at your gates
saying all the prayers
begging you will bless me
with an eternity of your love
if only i were worthy

and here i weep
because what use is all this
i see you and i sigh
keep myself at arm's length
because it is not enough
and it will always be like this
i'm too much of a romantic
to see things clearly

Broken bones and shivering souls,
Harshly uprooted from the ground...

Counting scars and all the holes,
Happiness nowhere to be found...

Hard and thick are all the walls,
Shielding love from all around...

Away from the heart it tries to crawl,
Yet your memories are kept, safe and sound...

She said it was her only life line
scars telling of her life in parts
every detail of every knife line
where one ends, another starts

numbness is nothing
pain is something

she said it was like her only need
satisfaction in killing the numb
in the darkness, she can only bleed
looking forward to the pain to come

there is no future, and there is no escape
it’s now or never
i’ve never had this hollowness in my gut
where i realise there is no way out

i am trapped in this body but also forever
does that mean i’m trapped with this mind
i can’t go on like this anymore

it could happen at any moment
whether i go through the consequences then

i need to end this suffering
my head is so full i don’t know what i’m expected to do anymore
i just feel like an empty lifeless corpse

all i can do is float around and pretend to be a part of something when actually i'm not

i’ve lost the place i felt safe to somewhere i can’t see and don’t know if it’s true
i don’t understand it

but what’s the point anymore
if i’m going to end and all my friends are going to end
why not end now instead of suffering through day to day

i’m useless
worthless

i wish it was easier to let go
but i know it’s not easy
especially when no one can hear me

because i can only scream in silence

a tiring maze
a puzzle unsolved
a lightning phase
before your old
duty madness
weighs your soul
the human sadness
that can't be told.
an idle transcript
of ending time
oblivious to
your obscure mind
a hollow space
saved till you find
whats been missing-
The yet 'undefined'.