I am here
But I am not
My limbs are
My heart beats
But where am I?
I want peace,
Until then I hide.
Waiting for silence
Waiting to thrive.
Glimmers of light shine
And remind me to be patient
But I hear the clock ticking
Telling me not to waste it
Telling me this is not where I
Am meant to be.
My heart skips beats
As I anticipate my next demand,
Pulling me apart as I say yes
To everyone
Everything,
But myself.
I want peace.
I want silence.
I want time
For me
To thrive.
Until then,
I hide.

Hiding emotionally,
physically avoiding,
and verbally masking by lies.

We pretend that we are alright,
turning it all invisible
In the eyes of one other,  
so that we don’t let the worry flow,
so that we don’t let the disappointment brew.
But it flows into the ears of others.

Leaning on their shoulders for comfort,
where comfortability now thrives.
We now look in the eyes
of one another
with body containing secrets,
pretending to be alright
and happy.

I guess,
that’s where the trust started to wither
and comfortability started to fade,
for we found comfort on others shoulders.

she is the happiest girl
on the playground,
when the hurt is the
most in her heart,
blood flows through
her veins,
but so does a brutal reality,
her kidneys ran out
of tears,
so laughter is the
only thing that pours
out of her.

My face is perfectly symmetrical
My skin smooth. My smile perfect.
Life’s blemishes and frown lines instantly erased,
As if those life experiences that caused
my frown lines in the first place never happened.
Instead of frowns, I have bunny ears.
Cute, Childlike, Happy ears.
Because someone somewhere associated bunnies with ****
So I have **** bunny ears and a high pitched voice.
In my real voice you might be able to hear my pain
But the filtered voice only lets you hear the sunshine
All my flaws are airbrushed away
It’s like those extra pounds gained from stress eating never existed.
My hair is no longer messy from me pulling it in frustration,
With this filter not even one hair is out of place.
This filtered me is the only me I let you see
My tag line says “I woke up like this” smiley face.
Isn’t this the version of me that you prefer?

Your sharp stare
Kills me,
Each time you look

Because I choose to hide
Underneath my smile

And my makeup
That is probably deceiving

But I hope you can see
My eyes can't lie.

They are always searching
Searching
For yours
To meet mine

For they are always wanting more.

Heard from within the static
An erratic fracture falling flat
Calling all the innocent out
Calling all the innocent out

Found whimpering in dimpled corners
Unearthing a second coming
Calling all the innocent out
Calling all the innocent out

Calling all the innocent out


-
by Aleksander Mielnikow (Alek the Poet)

I have been doing really well,
Doing so well, that nobody knows about my episodes.
The stale paint scent of my depression
Haunts me like the ghost of my adolescence.
Its back, and it wasn’t welcome to come back
I did not give out an invitation to the party that I am not hosting
It creeped back, it wasn’t supposed to come back
But here it is.
Weighing on my shoulders,
With boulders of anxiety and the promise of a bleak and meek future
That I am trying so hard not to obtain.
Fighting, everyday to stay busy, to stay sane
But its back.
And I just wish it would go away.
Shopping only helps the pain
in the moment
standing in the check out line
These overpriced, on sale Uggs, only make it better in the store.
But when I get home,
The only thing that understands me
Is the needle with the record spinning