Is healing good for me?
but I'm intricately attached to these scabs and scars
I hold them so dearly, I don't want to let them go.
Is healing my current foe?
but these roots are dead. What will grow instead?
Uncertainty is a fright to me
And maybe the light is too harsh
Cause I love my shadows, from the tip of their nose down to their toes
They've been my constant comfort
Healing light is too blinding
and my vulnerabilities are intricacies only I and my shadows are minding

why do i always
go after myself

pick apart every
single thought

tear myself to
pieces and

find excuses
to not have a
heart?

life doesn't go
according to plan

and two years in
i'm caught in-between
lies i told myself

that buried me
deep within.

there's no mystery
i lived in
make-believe

it was a safety-net,
a fantasy
that made me believe

it could one day be.

but one day,
i woke up and realized

feeling sorry for myself
only goes so far, and leaves
me paralyzed.

i had to move on
from this nightmare.

i had to finally
move past,
and leave behind,

the memories with
rose-colored eyes.

Through the voids and reserved screaming,
The seemingly endless echo of despair,
The damp greasy bleeding of my heart,
Each death of it so sure it was the last;

The pariah, the abandoned and lost,
All of it in one unremarkable person,
He survived it all with the violence unseen,
Born from it, the gentleness and kindness;

A revenant healing his way to his best,
To be who he needed all along before,
To be the light that never came for him,
He became him, who always hoped to be;

No more chasing the darkness or solitude,
A beacon of hope for himself, the hero,
He lived in the dark still but shining,
For that each dawn of today's different

Until it was and he was changed again,
Iridescently casting his strength and power,
Powers he never knew he had or felt,
He beats on in hope, faith and love

The world is beautiful.
It is so much more than this room, than this house, than the pain I've been trough.
I can get out of here one day.
Good things are coming.
Love is out there.
Life is so much better than what I've seen so far.
And I will prove it to myself.

rainbow curtains that smell of mint

gray sweatshirt my mother sent

suffocating but my airway is clear

where is the voice i want to hear?



i wish someone else could see

the poisonous air of room 11-B

My friends tell me it was only a couple of months.
I should feel better by now.
I should feel lighter and happier.
Some days I am and some days my heart hurts deeply.
I realized that even though it was only a couple of months, you were the reason I came back to this part of the world.
The part of the world when I felt comfortable in love.
The place where I realized that I could do this again.
The moment where I let love feel safe again.
After 7 years of self discovery and healing, I brought myself back to the world of falling in love....

and I picked you.

What a stupid thing to do.



- t.s.

You broke my heart
And threw it in a pile of dirt
I have no enemies
However, worse are you, than an enemy
Because, betrayal leaves scars
Which are even bigger than cars
And take as much time to heal
As it does, to complete a CA course
Which is of course, a huge deal!

You broke my heart
And caused me a lot of hurt
Truly did I care for you, you know
Thus, was it a massive blow
When we came to know the truth
Which destroyed the earth
On which my love was built
Since, loyal was I, to a fault

You broke my heart
And turned it into a shopping cart
You took advantage of my compassion
And used it as ammunition
For your deceitful modus operandi
However, thanks to the rescue operations
Led by my best friend and my sister
We put an end to the matter
However, rather protracted and tedious
Was the divorce process
And ultimately richer did you get, by a frigging four lakhs
For absolutely no fault of ours!!

You broke my heart
And ensured I nearly fell apart
However, healing am I
Slowly but surely
Thanks to my dear family
As well as my circle of friends
Not to mention, a few close cousins
All of whom ensure, I suffer not, for your sins
Our relationship may have had a bitter end
However, I am now free
And no longer, will I carry
The burden of a relationship
Which, in hindsight, was always going to be doomed
Even without all the cheating and manipulation
Of course, I may have to apply some caution
When it cometh to future relationships
However, I now understand the value of friendship
Better than ever!!

You broke my heart
However, I am making a conscious effort
To put all this behind
With the help of family, cousins and friends
As well as therapy
Of course, not always am I happy
But I am healing for sure
This experience having ensured
That I am working harder than ever
And allowing myself to be bored, never

I repeat, you broke my heart
However, you have made me more alert
I am now stronger than ever
And will allow myself to be cheated, never
What you did proved to be a blessing in disguise
Because, it has made me wise
And just a matter of time is it
Before my broken heart eventually heals!!

I remember sitting in the garden of my therapists office, trying to feel the sun on my skin.
She asks me if I can feel the warmth and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to find it.

It took me 14 years to say those few words that changed everything.
When my lips formed the whispered sentences, my shaking body suddenly felt so very different, even though the same things I was talking about happened to the same body.

When you start telling the truth, even if you can't build up the courage to speak all of it, a few words are enough, it becomes reality.
It's been real all this time, but now that it's entered someone elses mind, you can't take it back.

And maybe that's what it takes. To start your healing.

Speak your truth, even if your voice is shaking.