I've had a lot of conversations with myself lately,
At night.
"Who told you to?"
"He made me tell myself."
"How do you know?"
"I don't."
Me, myself, I.
All different people
But all the same.
The contemptuous person behind this glass that I can't see because I'm desperately trying to see what I can't be.
I really want to know,
Who this person is I'm talking to.

My head yearned for him.
But my heart...

just didn't?

Wouldn’t it be nice
To unscrew your head
When it all becomes too much?
I would put it in the corner
Of my closet
Next to the old shoes
And articles I’m not bold enough to wear
So I could get a break
From the tsunami thoughts raging inside.
And it would all be quiet.
Then I would pick it back up, and
***** it back on my neck
When my shoulders are strong enough
To bear the weight once again.

Wouldn’t it be nice
To unzip your skin
When you’re crawling and itching
To get out?
I would lay it down
Where it wouldn’t get
Too *****
And I would stand with my
Arms open wide
As I feel the wind
Rattle around my old bones.
And I would be free.
Then I would pick it up,
Dust it off, and
Put it back on when I got chilly.

Wouldn’t it be nice
To hide your mouth
When it pains you to smile?
I would put in the bathroom drawer
Next to my contacts
And the makeup I use to
Mask my insecurities.
And all would be calm.
Then I would pull it out, and
Place it back on my face
Once my cheeks have stopped hurting
And I am ready to greet the day once again.
Except a smile doesn’t mean a **** thing
When you can see the melancholy pools
In my eyes.
I guess it’s not a perfect solution.

It’s funny
I used to read and write
Laugh and type
But now I can’t
I’m falling
And as the frustration grows
Mountainous procrastination as I try to remember
My mind can’t stop writhing

My body moving
Head saying yes
Sentences halved and mashed and forgot
Frantic boredom
As I fill filled space
The wave of papers
Books and words
That I’ve neglected
Hit me greater than before
The yells, tears, bad grades, hurt
Take me all at once
Under water, out again
Some day I’ll drown

You’re standing on my head
My face is flush
And wet
I’m sinking further into the cement
Until there’s nothing left

....