It’s so much easier to like
Them
Isn’t it?

Much more convenient
For you
To walk away from me

And make up

A million

And one

Excuses
Why you need to leave.

Would it really hurt you more
Than me
To tell me in my face that

It’s so much easier to like
Them

Isn’t it?

People have said I used to be embarrassing
Little me way different from me now, Emery
She couldn’t dance, couldn’t sing
But that little girl is still inside of me

And you said that she wasn’t smart
For walking into the trap of a *******
And when you all ignored her and her broken heart
Only she was there to stay a while

So when you insult her, you insult me
Even though she was a little embarrassing
I’ll show her the whole brilliance of the world to see
Because I love her more than anything

my mother hates me
my father blames me for my mothers hatred. please

they think they can hide it but I am no longer twelve years old
wondering why
my mother doesn't look up at me when I talk to her
no, I'm no longer twelve years old
wondering why
i am yelled at a double or triple or quadruple rate
of my older sister
I'm no longer a naive twelve year old
thinking my parents kept the poems i wrote for them

when i couldn't find them? you ask
well of course the wind picked them up gently like a mother
to her child (exceptions, of course)
and carried them to a better home
someone will love my art
if not you, there are desperados yearning
for a poem that is love in the purest form

i no longer have the pure love of a twelve year old
i see cracks on the wall that is my mother and father
some are my fault
they don't see mine, i filled them in with plaster
they are almost all from my parents
don't get me wrong, everything is emotional
my parents don't hurt my physical self
they think of themselves too positively for that

i am no longer a twelve year old grateful that my situation wasn't worse
if i am honest, at a young age i believed myself to
be in the greatest home in the world
a place of pure love and compassion
a family that cares more than God
i am still grateful but,
the eyes of sixteen don't see it the same way

im not even mad anymore --
im just just
tired
of your antics.
you twisted things
so well
that i actually
started to believe
that i was the villain
in my own story.

you were loud,
but somehow,
im the one that
they stopped
listening to.
it's funny
how that works, huh?

i wont send this.
because you would
more than likely --
just turn it into another reason
to prove me wrong.
but honestly,
youre not worth my voice
anymore.

My bane, the unseen—
The part of me
I never want to meet.
You grew in silence,
A writhing mass of shadow,
Born from loneliness
And self-defeat.

Oh, how I hate you.
But I can’t.
Because hating you
Means hating me.
You’re the sum
Of all my wrong turns—
And still,
I run back to you.
Because in the end,
Only you
See the real me.

The world outside is a jungle.
They walk on two legs,
But bite with their words.
You became my cage.
And though the key is in my hand,
I hold it like a blade.
I want to break you
For the pain you bring—
But you’re also
My only comfort.

I locked you away.
Still, I run to you.
Banging and banging
On the walls I built—
Trapped between black and white,
Running from both,
Neither offering understanding.

So here I am—
Your jailer.
Your only friend.
Your enemy.

And I wonder,
After all this…
Do you care for me?

I fought.
Every second of my life
Etched in pain.
I faced it.
I won.
It changed me.
I learned.

I unlearned the so-called truths,
Every sacred teaching
Of life.
And relearned it myself—
From the best teacher:
Life.

She taught me all.
My favorite woman.
Whether pain or pleasure,
I loved her just the same.
She whispered secrets
Of existence, society, and everything in between.

Many times, I nearly died.
But I survived.

Then came sin—
My chosen curriculum.

I built my deadliest sins
And wore them like armor:
My vanity rivals even God's.
I cannot fail. It's impossible!

My greed keeps me sharp,
Focused, burning.
I want what I want.

My lust—
Not only for ***,
But for victory.
To see this world
Brought to its knees.

A cosmic hunger.

My gluttony?
It drives me to take on
More than I should—
And still, I surpass.

My apathy—
That cold, uncaring monster—
Is my shield.
A necessary evil.

Everything else is obsolete.
Even virtue.

If you plan to survive in this world:
Abandon all virtues.
There is no God above.

You are God.
We are Gods.

Do not let the devil of *******
Use society's illusion of order
To chain your will
And drain your soul.

You are a creature of change.
Change is chaos.
Chaos is life.
Life is God.
God is me.
I am you.
You are us.

Heed this message:
Survival is not the goal.
Possession is not the goal.
Happiness is not the goal.

Chaos is.

The only permanent truth
Is impermanence.

So go.
Unleash the world.
Restore it to its natural order—
CHAOS!

What I hate about myself
That is so pathetic and weak
That I despise so much 
Is that you can yell at me 
Call me names, throw lies
Throw all the trust back at me
Even hit me, scratch me 
Make me hurt and cry
Make my heart beg 
Make my voice loud
You can do all those things
Yet I know **** well
The moment we both 
Finally grow quiet and calm
The moment your golden eyes
Look upon my eyes, my soul
What I hate about myself 
Is that I would still love you
I would love you wholeheartedly
Through the pain and anger 
The guilt, regrets, wounds 
I will still love you through it all
Even through gritted teeth
Even through running tears
Even with a broken heart 
I will still love you through it all