"When we think of “meant to be,” we automatically assume forever. But maybe it isn’t supposed to last forever. Maybe it’s just someone who is in your life to teach you something. Maybe forever is not the person, but what we gain from them."

- excerpt from a diary I don’t own. (Via southernsparkleandshine)

you were the most beautiful devil
that hell has sent me
darling you were the best
you were the ******* pain
that i’ll always want
that i’d rather be miserable
than lose you all over again
but now you are gone
and i’m just an angel lost in earth
don’t know where to find your smile
don’t know where to find your voice
your scent, your figure, your laughs
i don’t know where it is anymore
when i walk to the old places i feel cold
when i come back to our conversations
i feel warmth, i feel love
and all sorts of butterfly in my stomach
and if heart is a puzzle, i’d be incomplete
i’d be just a standing piece waiting for you
to complete the voids that you’ve patched up
from the sweet words
to the affectionate gestures
i’ll be honest missing you
is killing me, and letting you go made me die
everyday tears run down my cheeks
sunlights don’t shine anymore
rain hits me, and then
i was strucked by the lightning of sorrows
i kept coming closer to your fire
but where are you?
where the hell am i suppose to look?
should go back?
no one’s going to replace you,
the first pain of thy heart
the first of everything in fifteen,
you were not my regret
but you were my rotten daisy
forever remembered but thrown away in the ocean
but always remember that wherever you are
i always think about how happy we were
but it’s such a loss,
that our fate is parallel,
only strangers that met but never really cross.

At first sparks flew and flowers bloomed.
There was a twinkle in your eye and I knew.
I knew I was in trouble,
You knew it too.

Every color seemed brighter with you,
Every storm seemed lighter,
Every good day seemed perfect,
Everything was different.

You were my source of happiness,
The one person I counted on,
The one I fell in love with.

Now, when you’re here, you’re not actually here.

The colors don’t seem as bright anymore,
The storms feel like hurricanes,
The good days seem bland,
And everything is different.

You are now my source of unwanted.

You are now an unknown man sleeping in my bed.

You gave me a watch
You said “check the time,
When we meet again
It’ll be different on mine.”

But I threw it down
And you hugged me tight
Yet I still didn’t want
To say goodbye.

The dust has settled
I know you’re gone
But still I stay strong
But still I go on.

It’s sick
But all I can think about
Is the pain

I think it’s an art
One that I have perfected
The ability
To ignore everything
But the pain

I don’t think
I could make room
for anything else

Because if I’m not cutting
I’m burning
If I’m not burning
I’m starving
If I’m not starving
I’m purging
If I’m not purging
I’m binging
If I’m not binging
I’m probably dead

And thus
All I can fit
In my brain
Are these thoughts
These morbid
Thoughts
Of pain

Summer’s gone
But was it ever really here?
All the months of white and snow
While the sun was never near.

And who were you?
This shadow in disguise —
Tried to let it happen
But it was just another lie.

There’s nothing left to do
But do what I can
I’ve given my all and lost some more
and in the end
It just leaves off where it began

I had always had
love
and I had always ignored
it

just as a whale puts no
value in the sea
until it washes up on
the shore

I was blind to the love
I had
and only
saw my lover
once she was
long gone