I think that I’m doing all wrong.
I feel that I’m losing people who I love.
I hate that feeling.
Sometimes I feel lost and I want to put a gun in my head or inside my mouth.
What will happen if I lose that people?
What will happen with me?
What will happen with my heart?
And with my feelings?
My heart, what will happen with it? Is it going to be broke? Lost?

I used to have an issue with my body.
Three years ago. 2015. The year of horrors.
My weight was 60 kilograms and I don’t remember if I had a few grams more, but it doesn’t a matter. The issues is that I was a bit fat. I have never been fat. I was sad about it and I had a lot of problems more in that year.
My principal problem was that when all of my girlfriends developed their body, I had a little girl body. My body begins to develop and that was when I turned fat, I didn’t like myself, personal problems, more issues. I increased 15 kilograms. I was really depressed. I started hating me more.
Between 2016 and 2017, my body started changing. I lost weight, I hadn’t got issues with me anymore. That was really amazing.
End of 2017 and this year (2018), my body changed completely. I don’t have the body that I used to own in 2015. I am thin and happy, but sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, unconsciously I see myself as I was in 2015, fat.
That kills me.
Kills me more knowing that I couldn’t talk with my mother about it, because she didn’t understand it. But I could talk with my best friend and with my auntie because they understand it. I’m thankful about it.
What more kills me is the fact that I know that my body it’s thin but my mind shows me another thing, which I hate and makes me sad.
But today, July 25, 2018. My weight is 48 kilograms. I see the real me. I see myself thin. Now my unconscious accepts that I’m thin again. I’m really happy now because that is the body that I had all my entire life, that is the body that I want and which I’m in love with. I’m glad that I got back what I always wanted.

Gemini are notorious for having “split” personalities, and I am no different. I have two sides of me that are always at war within me.

Both the Devil and the Angel within me are trying to influence me, in the form of thoughts running through my head that makes it seem like i'm talking to myself.

I emphasizes on the fact that my character is composed into two parts, the ‘angel,’ the one that wants to do good not only for myself but also for others, and also the ‘devil,’ the selfish, more arrogant division in my persona that drives me to do things that’ll make me stray off the path of righteousness.

Elena and Katerina, which again connotes the incredible duality and polarity of my character. Even though it seems like they’re almost two different people, they’re most definitely one whole character.

My inner good realized what I am doing is dangerous, but my inner demons insist on coming out at night. When I say “not closing the curtains”, im showing the real dark half of myself.

I was twelve
I was sad and depressed
She gone
I was sitting on her bed
Remembering her
I opened her wardrobe
I found a long black dress with white flowers on it
I smelled it
The smell of her
Tears where running down my cheeks
I was missing her. I miss her
I used to feel lost without her
Years later, I found my way back to reality, to the world, to all.
Because I get back to her
I can see death people
Now the world is complete
I am thankful of the gift that God, Life, She gave me
I’m with her again. She’s again with me. My family is again with her
Death is not so bad
Because I have this gift and I can see it all
And I’ve got all in my hands now
And today I’m the happiest person in this ******* world, I’ve got everything that I’ve ever wanted: especially her, again.

I like tall boys
With huge hands
Large fingers
With rings on it
Marked veins  
Hands choking my neck
Calling me “baby girl”
With the thumb touching my lower lip
His nose touching mine
His lips next to mine
And lustful eyes

Pain.
Hate.
Fire.
Fury.
For a tiny soul.

She felt the need of run away from him. But she couldn’t. Couldn’t scape. She couldn’t run away from her creator.

A lion with his prey.
A prey with her lion.

A rabbit with a lion. That’s how she felt. Cornered by him. Controlled. Invaded. Repressed.

Years passed and the rabbit became a wolf. But not when she was close to the creator. She  became small. A rabbit, again.

“oh baby girl, as in the beginning, as everything has started. turn off your emotions, your feelings, everything. all over again. so you are not going to feel pain, love, sadness like a fool again. do it and we are going to be just the three of us together like the old times. do it and everything is going to be all right, again.”

K said to me.

the twins sign, yes
what do you know about it?
take a wild guess
does your adjective fit?

a lot of words to describe
but which one is exact?
they say we're two-faced
we're actually not

what we have
two personalities in one
yes, our nature is dual
could you keep up with that?

it's what makes us special
we could be optional
shy or wild
oh, such excitement we have!