Tins dangle off bare branches,
Strike to drown the bitter howls.

clang...clang
clang

The train pulls out.

clang...clang...clang
hooooot

I was not on it.
I should have been on it...
After the clang clang clang and
The click clack of the wheels,
Followed the patter of my friend's
Remains on the battleground.

Now they're after me:

clang...clang...clang
hooooot

With  the patter of the rain
Beating on my skull.

Mathew, Mark, Luke and John let's all go bomb everyone
**** them dead and if they're red **** them deader full of lead,
I read
the good book,
what a laugh look, turn the other cheek,
we seek with missiles,
send no missives,
nothing lives long now.

Growing up happened faster than I thought it would;
Now I pay bills and visit my parents.
I sleep in this recliner where I would stay up late,
Talking on the phone with liars until I fell asleep.
"Dulcet tones into a receiver," I called them before.
Now I know better.

My feelings aren't hurt anymore,
And now I've forgiven almost everything.
I'm too strong now for the backbiters of the past,
And they've grown into harmless strangers
Like we all do.

Sometimes when I hear that song,
I feel the hurt again, but that's all it is;
A feeling, fleeting, gone by the double bar line,
And I feel so much better.
I cry much more for happiness these days.

Growing up is happening so quickly,
And now I'm waiting in the recliner on an engagement
That will have the harmless strangers smiling politely.
Their feelings aren't hurt anymore
And we all know better now.

Never will I forget this day

I was 12
Playing in my neighbors back yard
We jump roped, played hopscotch
I was happy

One day we were listening to the radio
Singing, dancing and laughing
He called us inside to have lunch

His hand wrapped around the small of my back
I flinched, my heart stopped
Something was wrong
and I did not know yet what it was

He asked his daughter to leave the room
As I began to leave with her
I was demanded to stay
as the door locked, my heart dropped I couldnt breathe

He looked so pleased with him self as his eyes looked me up and down
I tried to run
He grabbed my wrists and threw me on the floor

What happened next forever changed me
I can not get the images out of my head
Did he know how much he would mentally **** me up?
Does he know the mental issues I now suffer because of him?

Did he know that years down the road
When I was finally married to the love of my life
and he would try to hold my hand or kiss my forehead
I'd flinch in fear?

Many times has my husband held me while I sobbed in our bed
He watched me suffer through this pain
and deal with me being so torn up inside
it kills him.

What really ****** me up
was when I was 12
and I learned that the world is cruel
You will be abused and hurt

And no one will stop it from happening.

I'm sitting in a desk,
towards the back of the room,
the first time I have a flashback about you in class.

You're sitting across the room,
but it feels as if you're breathing down my neck.
My concentration shifts from taking notes,
to an all too vivid memory.

Suddenly I'm pinned down
on my own bed
with you towering over me.

The teacher talks of hominids,
but all I hear is my own screams.
A chorus of "No"
that was heavily ignored.

My breathing is shallow,
my heartbeat is rapid.

I've missed an entire slide by the time I snap out of it.

I'm not gonna borrow the notes from you, that's for sure.


(d.d.b)

Planet earth
Was my place of birth
I need worth?
Money fortune and fame
Man i couldnt picture this
Without makin' a name
I wanted to be the black Picasso
With the picture perfect flow
So ya know
The microphone fiend
Aint went no where
And All my spectators n haters
Had to stop n stare
Listenin' to the bass thumpin'
Music n mic is so loud
Movin' the crowd
With my aesthetic poetry
Ricochetin' minds with my lyrical
Content
Once the trigger hits the bars get
More ruthless
Strikin' furious
makin' emcees toothless
Leave em with a strong lisp
Check the total Eclipse
Its temporary darkness mark this
Day and age im the new jack
So im turnin' the page
Backward bringin' real hip hop back
Yo! ,im finna cut deep as a lumberjack
And yea im black
So get ready to attack
Butll be back
For more ******* delivery
NONE could shake thee
Original master of the craft
Send the army n still they couldnt penetrate me
The black rambo of the industry
I had to take and make
My own moves show to you n prove
To ya that im the best at this
Two decades later n hip hops  gone
But now im resurrected
The flow is re-connected
Back to nineteen eighty six
Now watch me rough up the mix
Dont look any further this is a stick up
Or hold up just fold up
Cuz ya at a dead end
Dont pretend that you couldn't bend
Your way out of a jam session
Go to the **** for a quick blessin' ya stressin'
Got ya nerves shook from my verbs
Ya mind couldnt take it
So death couldnt fake it
now i know as hit up ya funeral
Payin' my dues to the fallen ones
That tried to intervene between
The jewelry the cars and my life
complex scene
Enticin' green
Cuz of the way i drop them fools
Turnin' mule
On the mic
Cuz im paid in fullllllllllllllll!!!!!


Last night.
I felt the walls closing in.
I felt my throat swelling shut.
I felt the scream inching to the back of my mouth.

Everything stood still and quiet as my head bounced back and forward, left to right.

Stop crying.
Stop ******* crying.

My hands are running up my sides to the only place they seem to fit perfectly. Gripping around my neck just tight enough to feel the tension.

I'll keep my eyes open so the darkness wont consume me.
Because i'm scared.

Please wake.
Please.
******* wake up.

Life is a big ball of yarn.
Each passing second being
braided into the past,
the present being set in
stone and the future
keeps changing.

I feel my body turning into
dust. Instead of just
floating in the life I've
been given, the yarn
pulls strands of my hair,
pulls dead skin off my
pillow. It pulls my tears
and drops of blood away.
It moves bits and pieces
of me into history.
I feel myself decaying.

They no longer know
who I am. I feel
like saying, "People change
when they know they're
dying."

The world becomes black
and white and clouds
are shadows. Lights become
the sun and the sun
is just another
rotting planet.
    The world is decaying.
    Trees all dead, leaning with
    leaves made of dead skin.
    All the yellow dandelions
    higher than the stoner downstairs.
    The white weeds don't have
    seeds. Just acid leaking
    out of them and the
    smoke we breath out reeks
    of lost hope and dead
    promises.

Do not ask me why
I reply so slowly.
It's because honestly
nobody speaks loudly
enough for me to hear
over the screaming
of people drowning in my
stomach acid.

    I can see his shadow
even in the dark.
The demon not with
horns or fangs.
No tail, his reflection
shows and pictures can
be taken.
    Just another twisted
    thought inside my mind.

I feel his arsenic breath
get closer with each passing
day.
    He will not leave me
alone until he can tie my
phalanges together. Have
a crown of my broken
bones to show that he is
the king of my skeleton.

    I feel him inside my
skin crawling, faster than
my slowing heart beat. He
survives in my battery
acid blood. He thrives
off my scorched insides.
You see hell is his home.
He's at peace with death.
    His mind is twisted more
than my body when
    he ****** me.

He demanded a queen but
when he got a servant
he took advantage of my
calloused hands and bruised
mind.
    You see this man
    was no king.
    Just a black market
    dealer
      who didn't know how
      to keep his hands off
      of the merchandise.

   He never had any customers
   but broken girls.
   So when I was whole
   he was intrigued.
     I was a box
     he took everything out.
     Broke me down,
     laughed as the trashman
     took me to next town.