& I think maybe that’s what’s fked me up the most
The people that have hurt me the most were those that were close
& those that didn’t care
Smiled, acted polite & shared
Their fake, crowd pleasing personas
Smile to my face, then vanish into black
Only to text back
Oh sorry, it’s been hectic
I’ve been soo busy
Far away from you
But would you like to come out for a brew
Meanwhile the people that tell me they love me
The people that tell me they’ve always had MY best interests in mind while they themselves made decisions that affected me
Leaving me for my own good
Staying away from me for my own good
Telling me that I’m too good
& which one is better
Which one is worse
Or more real
Is anything real..
All I know is that I’m tired of the ****
This technological abyss
Where people can come & go as they please
IT’S NOT OKAY
I will not come out to play
I will not twirl & dance for you
Every time you want to wind me up
For old times sake
So you can recreate
A distant memory of former bliss
What is this?
But utter confusion
If you think I’ll ever spin near your orbit again
& no we can’t “stay friends”
For fks sake
Just leave me be
The last time that I saw your face
I was in a broken state
& as I drove off
I felt the knot tighten around this noose
Just moments ago in your embrace
I finally understood the way
That you no longer saw in me
the girl that you once knew
They say that eventually time heals all wounds
& that even when your inerts are battered & bruised
One day you will feel as if you are whole again
If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I believe that’s the truth
& even if it is I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to
Accept this as another it is what it is
Maybe that’s why I still look for you
In the faces of every **** passerby
They’re not you
& every single time
I catch a glimpse of an eye
Out of the corner of mine
I pray to God it’s not you
‘Cause I know that I need to move on with my life
Cut the rope loose & take it in strife
With every fiber of my being I must summon my power of will
It kills me to let go & yet it’s killing me to hold on
Stuck in this endless loop, a twisted conundrum
‘Cause I don’t want to
But I don’t want to want you
To all those,
With petty drug
**** ***** in gateways
Or all those,
Whose skin color was too
whose genders made them less
And especially under the 13th
Who they won't allow one to get
To all those,
ink and by fashion
rejected and inappropriate
who touched too little
or those who have ****** a lot
And most certainly
those who were not allowed to tell
all who pray and are feared
all too poor to be there
all too sick
all not educated
all who speak too much
And who don't say anything at all.
You are all the least qualified to get a job.
Let they be the judge.
None of your mistakes or situations
can be redeemed or validated.
Does that sound about white?
They told you image
All these people can't get a job or are put off on the process due to some sort of discrimination. Your image matters they say as they let a man sit at the Supreme Court with the shittest images ever. Honestly if it doesn't sound about white I would be lying to you. This crap is crazy out of control and only picking at the intent and history will wake people up that these "people" don't care.
What do you see in me?
Every time you like a picture of me?
Is it just another pretty face you wanna put to your waist when you PM or do you seek eternity?
I'm told that everyday,
It's always just about my pretty face.
I get it three sixty-five,
I swear I can read minds
I hear it all the time
You think this is news to me?
You're speaking a lot of spirituality
Talking a lot, like you figured everything out about me.
Why don't you finish this conversation real late then without me?
I don't owe no one an apology.
If responding is an obligation consider this revelation
another blank page in your outdated patriarchy.
Do you actually believe in me?
I need more than a compliment,
I starve empathy
Are you a real human being ready for my beat
Or fiend ready to devour me?
I'm not afraid of men who can eat.
I'm afraid of a man I attract with no means.
I'm scared of someone who leaves when the table is set and doesn't eat anything.
I need somebody that isn't afraid of me.
A real head holder,
I don't want anymore fake supporters by likes and boasters.
I need completion and that's my biggest complexity.
Will you always pay attention to me?
Even when I say repeatedly, "I think I'm ugly?"
I have all these anxieties that build walls to society
I need love one second but the next second I can hate everybody
Do you still like me?
Are you willing to take a step with this girl in the darkness under electricity?
I need more than love I need all of your energy.
No more smiles with no teeth.
No one liners that are bold and weak.
If you want me,
fight for me
but this war could be over before the blitzkrieg.
This is just me.
My heart has a lock connected to a short chain
and opens to one key
I don't make copies!
There's one way in
and one way out.
Tell me what you see now...
So I have been trying to dabble with the thoughts of a woman diluted with messages in her pm on social media. Probably a bad representation but it was a good learning experience. Gotta stop listening to rap when I write lol
When you give a person a part of your heart, you never truly get it back
It's theirs to do with as they please,
To treasure or to crack
But what happens when there aren't any
pieces left to give
When you've scraped out the last bit you had, & the outcome wasn't positive
Now your chest is bare & your mind is full
Of all the could have beens
While your heart is roaming from place to place, underneath other people's skin
Over time I've realized I'm the type of person who can draw anyone in
Mysterious, yet comforting to be around
An altruistic listener, an effective conversationalist, a trusted confidant
Modest as I may be, I do understand where I stand with most people
I'm the person you call when you're having a bad day, or need a ride, or even to bask in the glory of your successes;
a promotion at work, a new fling
I'm that person
The person to go to with your something;
your need, or your news
Intriguing from afar
Many want to delve into the depths
Uncover the story within
Until they realize that there's more
There's always more
Like a black hole pulling you in
Only to find that it's expanse goes on indefinitely
After a while my quips, my quirks
No one can fathom traveling the distance
So they don't
They turn back
I willingly release them
of my gravitational pull
Then we both float on
In opposing directions
It's funny how one can be too much
Yet somehow, never enough
The ramblings of my mixed up mind. Trying something different.
After all our time together
We had but just one fight
I thought that you'd lost interest
So you went ahead && proved me right