Flashback to as far back as the mind goes,
Masculinity is mighty and feminism is flawed,
Man is right and woman is wrong,
Boy is strong and girl is weak,
I’m a gentleman as long as I’m on top,
She can’t speak unless spoken to,
No place for women at the pulpit,
Men can’t learn from lesser beings.

Flashback to four years old,
The first time he was told,
Homosexuals will burn eternally,
Because they’re *******,
He said God doesn’t love them,
They’re an abomination to creation.

Flashback to age twelve,
Welcome to the USA,
Export the Mexicans,
Eliminate the rag heads,
Burn the gays.

Flashback to seventh grade,
She left him for her,
The hate talk convinced him,
All gays were wrong always.

Flashback to freshmen year,
It was Halloween,
Debate class in the morning,
She was dressed as a nerd,
But obviously that so wasn’t her,
Because she was Iranian,
He asked where her turban was,
Said her outfit wasn’t complete without it.

Flashback to the close-minded, conservatively, homeschooled child,
Racism was as familiar as his father’s laugh,
Sexism known like the scent of his mother’s casseroles,
Ignorance was his bestfriend,
And hate pumped through his veins.

I don’t know if right wing racist remarks are forgivable,
But the one he was bred to despise showed nothing but forgiveness.

The Iranian girl shed tears,
Which caused him to shed his foggy lens,
For the first time, he saw his own sins,
A joke rooted in hate hurt an innocent girl,
An innocent tear hurt an ignorant boy,
I am an ignorant boy,
I felt her pain,
I stabbed myself with shame,
She befriended me,
She forgave.

Flawed people produced twisted identification,
She isn’t the Iranian girl,
Just a person.

Mexican, black, dark skinned, or light,
Christian, Atheist, Muslim,
Left wing or right,
Straight, gay, man, woman,
Irrelevant.

Mexican, black, dark skinned, or light,
Christian, Atheist, Muslim,
Left wing or right,
Straight, gay, man, woman,
Human.

who knew that in about
4 years time,
or maybe
10,000 years lost in
10,000 multi hued tears,
id be on the same trip-
dancing to the same
shimmering inner grove as before-
braiding fresh cut
flowers-
delicate genital-hands, unfolding in prayer
into my subconscious mind
or perhaps into my hair-
saving colored prism fragments
of knowledge or nonsense-
digesting intoxicating
incense smoke into the
deep throated green streaked
laughter chasms
that are my lungs-
spinning vinyl, spun mind
unwinding, undulating
through string music-
contemplating the sunset's sweet
immaculate form, reoccuring
and balancing itself right outside my window-
dressing in shells, bones,
and beads; kaleidoscope fabric dripping from
the ******* like mother Kali in a Fellini
flick-
peeping out at heads slinking down
the ****** pavement streets-
my hairy angelic form grooving
intensely, spastic-
body flung, strung out in
hot patterns of
mirrored arms and legs-
brain brew bubbling; wicked, fantastic-
limbs waving and grabbing at
tangible tasty morsels,
smelling strongly of indigo
and patchouli-
the East smiling on me and
my intrepid journey to the ocean city-
head thrown back in
tranquil madness-
pipe smoke curling like
ancient hound howls from the corners
of my lips-
smiles spread like insanity, a wicked disease
lost in the forgotten finger painted
confounds of creamy
****** milk consciousness-
basking in lamplight
of the golden glistening
                                  Now.

Flash forward.
Flashback.

Progress isn't possible
without a little dip in the pool
so keep looking back;
trip over the wires,
set them off and see what happens.

Flash forward.
Flashback.

Drag me through the mud,
but don't let me look
at the mess I've made
in the mirror.

Flash forward.
Flashback.

Hear that voice.
Hear it.
HEAR IT.
Hear it and weep.

Flash forward.
Flashback.
Flash forward.
Flashback.
Flash forward.
Flashback.
FLASH FORWARD.

*Please don't take me back there.

Flashback,
To that time we played blackjack
I was impressed by your ability to shuffle all the cards just like that,
&then; you showed me a magic trick with pistachio shells
Oh what a friendship it is when someone buys you peanuts and opens all the shells

Yeah confession;
You're in my sci fi screenplay
I think I wrote about you in the most innocent way
And theres a song that,
I currently have on replay...
And a smile that can't help but shine when I see your face
What a moment it is when you're sitting there on the bus and you just want to photograph it

Life's a chess game, and now its your move..
I'm standing on the front line,
I'm giving my horsey to you (haha)
Oh this life's a chess game,
One wrong move and I'll lose....
But here right now we're at a stalemate
All my pieces were going but the piece that remains, patiently waits
For you..
Oh with you I never want the game to end so soon

And I know that we can't fall in love
Cause we've got different ones for us
But what a friendship it is when none of that matters no more..
You're the chess opponent I've been waiting for,
You are.

Sometimes my mind flies away, leaving my body behind.
I look around the room, I’m so confused.
Who are these people? Why am I here?
It’s a bit too late, because they can’t relate.
What’s happening to me? Why do I want to flee?
Oh, this makes me hide, with no one by my side.
My mind is wondering so fast; here comes a flashback.

Why is he playing these games, and calling me names?
Though he’s not so bright, he surely knows how to fight.
He knows my triggers, so go figure.
He manipulates me, and watches me freeze.
His hands are so smooth, as he makes his move.
Pins me down to the ground; I begin to frown.
He looks into my eyes, as I begin to cry.
I try to tell him to stop, but it was a huge flop.
He seemed so cool; God, I’m such a fool.

Sometimes my mind flies away, leaving my body behind.
I look around the room; I’m so confused.
Who are these people? Why am I here?
It’s a bit too late, because they can’t relate.
What’s going on with me? Why do I want to flee?
Oh, this makes me hide, with no one by my side.
My mind is wondering so fast; here comes a flashback.

I’m in a deep sleep; but I hear a peep.
Oh he’s at it again; I already hate men.
So I push him away, before my mind went astray.
He gets on top of me, watching me freeze.
I wish I can move; so that I can prove,
I don’t want to be touched; please, this is a bit too much.

Sometimes my mind flies away, leaving my body behind.
I look around the room, I’m so confused.
Who are these people? Why am I here?
It’s a bit too late, because they can’t relate.
What's going on with me? Why do I want to flee?
Oh, this makes me hide, with no one by my side.
My mind is wondering so fast; here comes a flashback.

We’re arguing again; it’s half past ten.
He comes up from behind, kinda like a grind.
Tightly grasping me, I fell to my knee.
Begging him to stop, treating me like a prop.
This is all my fault, for not putting this to a halt.
He’s still holding me, waiting for my mind to flee.
His hand is on my dress, trying to expose my chest.
My heart is pounding, it’s not astounding.
I want to die, even though he’s high.
But, just one more time, won’t be a crime.
It’ll be over soon, just stare at the moon.

Sometimes my mind flies away, leaving my body behind.
I look around the room, I’m so confused.
Who are these people? Why am I here?
It’s a bit too late, because they can’t relate.
What's going on with me? Why do I want to flee?
Oh, this makes me hide, with no one by my side.
My mind is wondering so fast; here comes a flashback.

I’m getting into my car, until I notice a star,
Shining so bright, can this be right?
The time is here, but I’m shaking in fear.
Just look into his eyes, but please don’t cry.
I know he’s cheating, and I’m not foreseeing,
Any future with him; my life is so dim.
So I tell him goodbye, as I fix his tie.
I climb into my car, viewing him from afar.
I’ll never see him again, that’s my big plan.

Sometimes my mind flies away, please not today.
I look around the room, and that’s my cue.
Think about these people, focus on why I’m here.
It’s not too late, maybe they can relate?
I know what’s happening to me, but why do I want to flee?
Still I want to hide, but with very few by my side.
My mind is wondering so fast; I’ll try to avoid the flashback.

you are literally haunting me tonight
this is a strange dream
and I don't know if it is the alcohol

you are also there
why are you in my dreams?
I have not felt you in a long time

there are these others that give me butterflies

i go to high school
the love of my life and I are together
he is here too

flashback
we are crying
flashback
I am on his lap and he is singing in my ear
flashback
he grabs my wrist too hard this time
flash back
I wake up with a smile hearing him in the shower
flashback
my mouth is awoken with kissing and tickles
flashback
he is crying and I don't know why
GOD PLEASE I'LL BELIVE FOR HIM
he cannot stop
sit down babe sit down
his eyes are so red
like blood

I don't want to cry
I need to be strong like always
I am a Stamm
I am STRONG

he is falling around
God help me please
what is happening to his brain

flash forward
the next morning

you didn't talk about it
you didn't want to
just Xanax

I have this dream
where you won't stop crying
and you won't tell me why
I am just trying to be ******* strong ******* it!! I LOVE YOU!! LOOK AT ME!! SHOULD I CALL AN AMBULANCE?! PLEASE BABE I AM SO SCAred.
Please
babe. Look at me why are you crying.
'whispers'
       please babe just tell me why are you crying
please it's ok it's ok please it's ok it's ok


my tears fall down the dark nape of your neck and your large head is cradled in my arms
I sat on his lap
but I cradled his 200lb body with the 150lbs I had
he shook and it used to wake me up at night
he would get the shivers
and I was so afraid he would "be like a cup, spilling over with just a touch"
I found out that day that love can really hurt
I found out that day I was in love...


flash forward
I've been taking benzos the past week
it amazes me how I feel so much relief
when even a piece of anxiety
flutters
like a moth off my neck

then they wear off
and I hate my true feeling

who knows how many I've taken
blacking out is my trend again

i am going to go to sleep now
please stay away

I only cry about you once a week now!!!
Once a week Justice!!
If you could read this I think you would be proud of me.
I hope one day when we are older we can talk like we weren't lovers.

I am sorry I touched your face Justice.
That was very immature.
I guess the best thing to say, is when someone is passionate.... When someone truly would put their life on the line for a person, in this case two people... And they do something that would normally hurt her....

I wanted to **** myself.... ok?
I thought I mattered to only two people
and it turned out I didn't.
I have never been so broken in my entire life.

Not as broken all of the neglect and mental abuse from an alcoholic father,
from being kicked out of my own house at 18,
having a mother who called me fat since I was 11,
not from having a boyfriend who hit me when I was 15,
worse than hiding my cut marks with silly bands in middle school ,
no you know I was broken by something else.

The love of my life and the best friend of my life going behind my back and being together.

My "future husband" hah
and my maid of "honor".      ****

But I fought through everything
through the cutting
the binge drinking
******* to feel something ANYTHING
requesting rough ***
starving myself
going through a car accident
I made it back.


Without the help of you two.

Now I work with kids 4 days a week, I am Ms.Shauna Mon - Wednesday for 2,3,4, and 5th graders, and on Thursday's I am Coach Stamm. I empower young girls to love who they are and to be healthy and to stomp any bad feeling about themselves with every stride in every cross country run.

So


Please leave me alone.
Figure all of your ****** **** up now
I'll do the same to you.
please please for my mental state

Man has been gifted a great prize
Although they never assumed it would be their demise
Centuries ago the technology produced
Relied upon humans for a little boost
However now it seems every thought by a man
Requires for technology to come up with the plan
It seems man's intelligence has began to backtrack
Similar to being subdued in a flashback
All the knowledge they've acquired
Is something that cannot not be admired
Their lives are corrupted by the media
They get information from the Internet- not by encyclopedia
There is still a chance for them to turn it all around
And use these faults to help with the rebound
However if they continue on as shown
Their advancements will soon be marked with a headstone.

Ilang buwan na pala
Simula nung nawala ka
Di rin nagtagal diba?
Kase naman, ako lang yung nagseryoso sa ating dalawa

May mga oras nga na naaalala kita
Pero minsan gusto ko na lang kalimutan ka
Ayoko na kasing mamroblema pa
Sa dinami-rami ba naman ng iniisip ko, dadagdag ka pa ba?

Alam kong ako ang sinisisi mo
Kung bakit humantong tayo sa ganito
Eh kase naman kung di ka lang sana
nag gago,
Edi sana sayo parin ako

Kaya't wala kang maisusumbat
Dahil una sa lahat, hindi ka naging tapat
Kung nakukulangan ka sa inakala
kong sapat,
Sana sinabi mo kaagad, hindi yung ipinagpalit mo ako sa isang babaeng flat

Oo ganito lang ako,
Mataba, panget, sige sabihin mo lahat ng kapintasan ko
Pero hindi ako bobo
Para magpaka martir sa isang kagaya mo

Pasensya na kung nasaktan kita sa mga nasabi ko
SORRY, pero gago mas nasaktan mo ako!
Hanggang ngayon nandito parin ang mga markang iniwan mo
Dito, nandito sa sugatan kong puso

Nag Flashback lahat ng ala-ala,
Nung nakita ulita kita kanina
Grabe masaya kana pala talaga
Kaya di na kita guguluhin pa

Mukhang may kasama ka nanamang bago
Ano yan bagong malalandi mo?
Naghaharutan pa sa daan itong dalawang to
Sakit nyo sa mata, sarap nyong isako!

Kaya sinasabi ko sainyo
Na hindi porke gwapo ay agad mo ng sasagutin ng OO
Dahil sa una lang yan seryoso
Sige ka, bandang huli ikaw rin ang talo
Ayon! SKL sainyo